Bethlett .

136 . It’s 8:50pm on a Friday night and I’m in bed! Rock and roll! I’m just so tired, the darker evenings make the evenings drag out so my brain is ready for bed at like 6pm.  I just wanted to update you on how things are going. Millie is sleeping through the night. Woohoo!! It’s something I’m cherishing and not taking for granted as I know it can all change instantly! I don’t feel like I have a routine, my routine is a none routine kinda routine. But it works, she’s happy and we’re happy so all is good! I sometimes doubt myself or feel like I’m a bad Mum when I talk to other mums who have solid routines, but then what I do I’m content with so I won’t fight with it.  I’m trying to teach her how to sit up, it’s not going well. She’s a strong girl but just not strong enough yet to hold herself up sitting. She’ll get there, I reckon in a few weeks we will be there and loving it!  This week I’ve pushed myself a bit, I went to the playgroup on Tuesday morning, I hated ...

132 . Sooooooo maybe I should explain... My last post was written on a down day, quite a heavy down day so like usual I vented my feelings the only way I know how, and post 131 was created... I wrote that post 12 weeks after giving birth. 12 weeks of tiredness, stress and the creeping feeling of loneliness. I don't want you to think this is a cop out but I was very VERY hormonal. I still had not had the reoccurrence of the ol friend, lady time, so I think my body was screaming for it to happen just so it could breathe a sigh of relief. To which since, it has WOOHOO! I finally feel like a normal human being again instead of the ball of mood swings and uncontrollable anger walking around the place.  I would just like to say a thank you to those who sent me messages asking if I was okay, I am fine and dandy, just a tad over dramatic sometimes haha  I'd just like to say though that being a new mum can be a lonely job. All your friends are working and you don't have ...

128 . I just need a hug I need to be told I'm doing a good job For my eyes to be truly looked into For my emotions to be felt I need someone to talk too Someone to laugh with  Someone to cry too Someone to be silent with I need a friend I want to be wanted I want to be appreciated  I want to be loved  Having a baby is the most amazing life experience to be blessed with but it's highlighted how lonely I am. It's highlighted the lack of friendships I have. I'd love to be classed as someone's best friend. Every one I've had has never lasted very long. Sometimes it's been me, at times it hasn't, it's just ended.  I've lost confidence with friendships. Do I give my all to be hurt in the future? Or do I keep a distance and forever have a longing for them?  Much love from a hormonal, feeling sorry for herself, over tired, Beth xx

119 . From time to time I go quiet. I'm not purposely being rude or ignoring people I just go quiet. It's like I don't have the thoughts for a fluid conversation. I seem to become comfortable with no thoughts at all.  I would say I have always been a loner, this used to bother me but now I kinda enjoy it. I enjoy my own space, being silent for a while. It doesn't mean anything is wrong it just means I'm, well I don't know what it means really.  I guess I often fight a thought in my head that tells me relationships are difficult to maintain, too much work, when really they aren't at all. I'm very capable of keeping relationships going, that shows with Rob, family and a small handful of friends. I wonder if I think this because the longer someone sticks around for the less I can pretend I'm an outgoing funny person. Like I said I'm really quite quiet and I have a lot of deep thoughts.  I sometimes think that part of the reaso...

111. "I don't wanna be a human anymore, I'm done..." "Make me a robot" Tessa Violet - Make Me A Robot There are certain days when I feel like I'm just not that ready. I'm not sure how I will cope in the days upcoming situations or how conversations may make me feel. There are days when I will create the character of myself so others don't see the broken version of me behind. Do you have days like that?  Actually, thinking about it, I don't always have days like this, I can have a perfectly unperfect day with no problems yet I'll have minuscule moments where I need the mask of me to cover me for a few minutes. Just until I can turn around and wilt in my internal storm of slight heartbreak, utter embarrassment or any other unpleasant feeling my mind wasn't quite ready for. When the mask is on and the character is displaying a full award winning acting performance, I feel nothing and everything all at the same tim...

110. Do you ever want to write a letter. Not to anyone in particular. To a random address, a random person, just to see what would happen. Would they read it? Would they reply? Who knows.  People don't write letters anymore, everything is so easy with social media. I understand, why wait for a long time for a reply when you can receive one instantly? You can talk to someone on the other side of the world freely with zero issues, well apart from the occasional dip in Internet signal.  I remember being young and always wanting post from the postman, I never had anyone to send me a letter or a postcard but when a school friend would go on holiday and send me something in the post I loved it. It seemed so exciting. Now the only post I get is bills, and they are never exciting.  Can you imagine writing to a complete stranger? Ha isn't that what I'm doing right now? But in all seriousness, when a stranger gives us a compliment, a random smile as you walk pa...

63 . Hello my loves, I started writing this post whilst on the bus and then on my break, there was no inspiration to it, it just sorted happened, I wrote it without thinking so it more than likely doesn't make any sense. But I hope you enjoy it, the randomness of it at least Over the past few days I've been talking to a lovely girl who I've kinda known since I was 16 yet never actually spoke too. We had quite a few mutual friends yet for some reason never hung out, I don't even think we've had a five minute conversation just smiles and hellos. It's crazy because she's such a lovely person so hopefully now we will meet properly sometime :)  The reason I'm telling you this is because it got me thinking about how  in life we build friendships, some have longevity and some don't but for how ever long that individual is apart of your life they can mean so much to you. They can help you through the toughest times and bring a freshness that maybe yo...

56. Hello my loves, it feels like its been a very long time since my last post but it really wasn't that long ago. I'm currently listening to a singer on YouTube called Rusty Clanton, his song Novels is such a beautiful song I just keep playing it over and over again. Please go and listen to it.  I sit here waiting for my hair to dry so I can curl it thinking to myself of all the things I want to say but realising there isn't much in my mind to put out there. There's no poems in my mind or profound words that I feel I must say but this is me so we'll just see how this post goes shall we.  ----------------------------- With all that has happened I feel very mixed up, it's like my mind keeps contradicting  itself and I'm not really sure what's going on. I feel like I'm in the room but I'm not there, I'm not paying attention but I'm pretending to be. It's weird and I don't know if people can tell. I wonder if the people arou...

45. Hello my loves :D I feel like I'm slacking with this whole blogging thing, I promise to try and get the swing of it again soon :)  Like my last post I'm listening to McBusted, I still love them and Rob still HASN'T got me any tickets to go and see them...this makes me very sad! I am determined to change his mind though don't you worry my loves. (I'm secretly hoping that he will buy me them for our 1 year wedding anniversary hehe) So lovelies, that's it! The festive season is over and we are about to begin a new year together and start all over again. That's what I like about the new year it's like a refresh, we get to start the year differently. We can look back on the things we disliked from the previous year and some how try to not do what we didn't like again. But also I think mentally when the new year arrives we can picture how we would like that year to go, achieve things we couldn't, set goals for ourselves. I think my goal will ...

43. Hello my loves, I've missed calling you all that. I feel like I haven't wrote to YOU in a little while, even though I have. Christmas isn't far away now, are you all ready for it? Isn't it crazy the madness and stress we put ourselves through for one day and that one day goes by so quickly it becomes a blur in our minds.  I'm listening to Labrinth - Jealous right now. I love this song, it's a great one to belt out if you're feeling a little bit jealous about something. Although I think the song is based on some sort of relationship. But anyway. this song got me a thinking my loves.  It's said that jealousy is a very ugly thing to have or be but us as humans can not help feeling jealousy over things from time to time. Whether it be a relationship that has ended or over inanimate objects that don't matter, we can not help having that feeling of jealousy sometimes. We can however help and control how we cope with those feelings.  I personall...

34. I saw this picture on one of my friends Facebook posts and I think it's so cute. It's a great little quote because it's so true. Can you remember the first time you fell in love? Having feelings towards someone that are completely indescribable but make perfect sense. The feeling of being safe and at ease whenever you are with them and the moments leading up to being with them again, a mass of butterflies find shelter in your belly and you're excited just to be with them again.  It's crazy how you, in one moment, realise the amount of love you have for the person. They might not know but you look at them and it's 'wow'  I'm not just talking about people in serious relationships, if we all think about it, we love a lot of people. The unconditional feeling of love towards family, where no matter what they do you have that need to make sure they are okay and protected. We love our closest friends, we tell our friends stuff that maybe we do...

26. We meet again my loves, how ya diddling? I'm good, I have two weeks off work now :D nothing major is planned...oh wait HARRY POTTER STUDIOS and bonfire night, I love bonfire night, the magic of the fireworks and sparklers is just so beautiful. I will definitely try and get some pictures of the fireworks and sparklers of the bonfire I'm planning on going too.  Is it just in the UK we celebrate bonfire night?  I'm currently listening Marmozets - Captivate You, I've heard this band quite a lot on Kerrang radio and just love this song, it gets me bouncing around in my seat. I downloaded their album and it's pretty belting I have to say! It was on repeat everyday this past week on the bus, a definite boost before work.  I don't know if I told you guys that my Dads best friend, Steve, contacted Arsenal (my Dad is obsessed) and explained his situation and how much he loves the team and always has done, and they wrote him back to say they would send Dad...

17. Hey there you lovely folks! How are you? All good I hope, I just looked at my previous blog and realised it was over a week ago since I've blogged!! I give you permission to tell me off about it next time any of you see me (don't be too harsh though please) The reason for the no blog is because I've worked everyday since Tuesday, and today (Sunday) I've been with my Dad, Rob, Jack, Emma and then saw my Mama for a little bit :) so this is the only moment I've had enough time to sit and talk to you all. By the way, would you like me to write about my Mum one day? She's very adorable! I know I usually give you the song I'm currently listening too but tonight it's an album, I'm listening to the new Paramore album, even though it's been out over a year now :/ it's pretty different to their older music but as bands grow older their music changes slightly, I still love it so it's all good. Paramore can the next album be a bit more heavie...

5. Hello my loves! I need to start off by saying that Sam Smith is one of the most beautiful singers out there at the moment, every song I have heard of his so far I can relate to in some way or another. Dear sir I wait for the day until I can see you perform live.  Anyhoo, there is no real thought behind this blog, I just really like blogging and wanted to say hello :) Today three big things happened: 1. I got my tattoo extended on my forearm and it looks incredible, well to me it does anyway. 2. I got a wig-slash! 3. I saw an old friend :D Yes lots of people get tattoo'd, I love having tattoos and adding more and more but each time I get myself in a tizz about how I'll cope with the pain. I cope absolutely fine when it's happening but this morning I woke up at 7ish because I was THAT nervous about it. Silly me!! I got two orchids on my forearm to go with the rest of the flower collection that's building up. I plan to carry on getting bits and bobs added to ...