Bethlett .

141 . I’m not feeling myself. Three weeks ago I had my second baby, Daisy, she’s amazing! I feel so blessed to have two daughters who fill my heart with so much love!  However, now this will be hard for me because I’m desperately trying to stop myself from feeling this way but I’m struggling. I feel like I’ve lost my happiness, I haven’t laughed in days, smiles are feeling forced and general conversation is becoming difficult. I know you’ll be thinking ‘oh post natal depression speak to the health visitor or drs’ and yes maybe I should, maybe I will but it’s up to me. Let me explain... I do not do well with lack of sleep, before children I would be vile if I was tired and I mean vile. So now with two children, a newborn and a very active toddler I feel exhausted!! If I could just sleep for a solid 24 hours I’d be tip top I just know it but that’s not going to happen. Is it too soon to rush on teenage years when they won’t get out of bed? Haha So yes I’m pretty darn tired,...

126 . Oh 3:30 in the morning, I'm getting used to meeting you everyday. A time I never thought I'd be very fond of in all honestly. Actually I'm not over enthralled to see you most days, i'd much rather be basking in the vast variety of my dreamland imagination. But it's just not meant to be right now. Instead I lie here on my bed trying desperately to settle my baby on my chest so that she can sleep for another 3 hours but more importantly, so I can sleep another 3 hours. Problem is, like now I'm being tricked into believing she has fallen asleep but I know as soon as I go to move this beautiful bean of life I've created, she'll be wide awake chatting to herself in her native baby language making it totally impossible for me to catch those much needed 3 hours!  Although in my mind I'm wishing I was in the position my husband is in right now, fast asleep, I do enjoy this quiet time me and the little one have together. Where she feels lik...

115. Sleep intrigues me. The thought of not waking up doesn't frighten me, I'd never even know. I imagine that would feel like a really long sleep anyway, so that thought never enters my mind. What gets me is while my mind is at rest and my body is so comfortable I no longer can feel it, their are still people wandering the streets. There are homes still full of life. The contrast couldn't be anymore different. My night of rest can be someone else's night of horror, and I would never know. Why is it that at what should be the most peaceful time of day the mind can be its most awake? Why in the quiet of the empty rooms around us, must our minds fill with words, thoughts, worries? Why can our minds keep us up for most of the night with subject matters that never enter our brains forefront during the day? Why is it at night, in the quiet, the dark, we become our most vulnerable?  It's currently 1:17am while I write this. What's the point? My mind won...