Bethlett .

109. I started my blog with the intention of building my self confidence, I wanted to put together a bucket list and slowly but surely cross each one off. I wanted to build myself up as a person, have stories to tell. It soon became apparent that my blog was destined for other things, I tried the popular blogger stuff of makeup tutorials etc but quite frankly, I'm much better putting makeup on rather than sitting and typing about my favourite products, it's much more fun that way. I soon realised the purpose of my blog was to give attention to the little voice in my head. The voice that over the years has hurt my confidence and self esteem. By giving it a platform I was able to release it all together. I now can see that I didn't need a bucket list to change me or build me back up, I just needed to quieten that voice by getting rid of it at dark times.  That being said, the darkest time so far, the illness and heartbreaking passing of my dear dad. Never would I...

51. Hello my loves, I know I know, it feels like forever! After my post 50 my mind has been a little bit all over the place... Firstly though let me just tell you who I'm listening too, James Bay, he is without a doubt becoming one of my favourite singers! I'm listening to the song Let It Go and NO it's not a cover of that bloody Frozen song! But please please go listen to him, he's slightly beautiful. I'm sitting here with my super duper lovely blanket wrapped around me to keep me warm but I find, I don't know if others will as well but I get all snuggled and warm and then all of a sudden I become so uncomfortable I need to move meaning the blanket moves and I become cold again, or I end up needing a wee *giggle*.  So, I guess I should explain my absence? Post 50 was pretty intense and open for me to write, giving you all an update on Dad, well a few people told me that it upset them, or it made them cry etc and I felt bad for doing that. I never want w...

50. Hello my loves. WOW we've made it to the fiftieth blog post, if you're reading this one and you've read all of the ones before, thank you for sticking with me and my public diary entries. If you are new to my posts then Hello and welcome to my life, my little world of, well, I'm not to sure...this. I'm listening and watching Sia - Elastic Heart, I absolutely love this song and I love the video! It's so incredibly powerful , I watch it without knowing what it is that is keeping me so drawn to it (maybe Shia's body...) but seriously please go and watch it, don't read the comments of the video if it's the first time you're watching it and let me know what you believe it is portraying. I won't tell you what I believe because I don't want my view to alter what you may initially feel.      I feel like it might be a good time to update you guys on my Dad. By the way, everything I write is solely my feelings and from my point of vie...

46. Although there are many hours still left in today, we are in our final hours of 2014. I imagine for a lot of people during these hours will be making numerous 'New Year resolutions' that no one sticks too and many thoughts reflecting back on what we have and haven't done this last year.  For me 2014 started with the best memory I will cherish forever, my wedding day :D on the 10th January I married my best friend, the most amazingly wonderful man who I love so so much. It was a very cold day, Rob was very poorly but it was the greatest day of my life. My Dad walked me down the isle and that is something that is so very special to me.  <3 In July I started this blog, which I love. It helps me and I hope it can help others. With this blog I don't have to pretend who I am or how I am feeling, which is something I do daily. Through this blog I have connected with some wonderful people, family members from Canada and Devon who I never even knew a...

40. I wrote blog post on the 2nd August about our story so far with my Dad's MND, four months later now I feel maybe it's time for a more in depth update on how things are now. Again, I stress, what I write are the thoughts purely from my own brain and my point of view.  Since August Motor Neurone Disease (MND) has been globally recognised with the Ice Bucket Challenge. The reason behind throwing a bucket of ice water over yourself was to experience the numbness MND/ALS warriors feel everyday and it has raised such an unbelievable amount of money, more than I think anyone expected. Lets hope it continues to be recognised and understood. In these last four months things have changed, he is no longer the version of himself that he was back in August. For a while it felt that things had kinda stayed the same. It seemed that his Dementia was getting increasingly worse and his MND was taking a step back. He would spend each day walking around the town, for no real ...

32. Hello my loves. I keep thinking it's Sunday today, I don't know why but I get happy when I realise it's only Saturday. I just wanna talk to you guys tonight, I want to express any thoughts that pop into my head so I have no idea how this blog is gonna go.  First of all though, I'm listening to a band called Mallory Knox - Shout at the Moon, I heard their song on Kerrang radio this afternoon and loved it. I will probably change songs while writing this because I really want to listen to Damien Rice for some reason. Check them both out, my music taste isn't all bad I swear.  I have realised this week that I really can't express myself in the correct way to people. If I'm upset or angry about something I would much prefer to live with those emotions for however long they stick around for, rather than actually saying out loud that 'this is the way I'm feeling and you are a part of that'. I am far more worried about that persons feelin...

28. Well hello there you lovely lot! It's Wednesday and I feel like writing a blog, so why the heck not! I do honestly try not to bombard you all with frequent blogs but sometimes I just want to update you all on stuff. Do you mind? No? Okay good :D I'm currently listening to Macklemore and Ryan Lewis - The Heist album, I'm mixing it up kids, if I listen to this in public, like on the bus, I have to really restrain myself from flapping my arms around in the air and miming badly to the words. I ain't no rapper (secretly wish I was)  So I'm now on my two weeks holiday and so far I've done nothing! All the cool stuff is happening next week, gah so unfair! BUT I have FINISHED MY COURSE WOOO *pats on the back* hopefully I won't have to re do any of it, because I really cannae be bothered with that. I do like to learn but I have no motivation or patience to read stuff, does anyone else get that?  Just so you know I'm having major gaps while writing thi...

26. We meet again my loves, how ya diddling? I'm good, I have two weeks off work now :D nothing major is planned...oh wait HARRY POTTER STUDIOS and bonfire night, I love bonfire night, the magic of the fireworks and sparklers is just so beautiful. I will definitely try and get some pictures of the fireworks and sparklers of the bonfire I'm planning on going too.  Is it just in the UK we celebrate bonfire night?  I'm currently listening Marmozets - Captivate You, I've heard this band quite a lot on Kerrang radio and just love this song, it gets me bouncing around in my seat. I downloaded their album and it's pretty belting I have to say! It was on repeat everyday this past week on the bus, a definite boost before work.  I don't know if I told you guys that my Dads best friend, Steve, contacted Arsenal (my Dad is obsessed) and explained his situation and how much he loves the team and always has done, and they wrote him back to say they would send Dad...

11. I'm sat here listening to Sam Smith - I'm Not The Only One singing a long like a goon, I just can't help myself and I have dead roses to the right of me. I know I should throw them away but they are quite beautiful in their shrivelled form I can't bring myself to get rid of them. I think it's unlucky to have dead flowers though isn't it?  I thought I would tell you about my weekend if you didn't mind? About how different the two days were.  On Saturday me and Rob decided to take a drive to York and spend a few hours there because we don't really have days out together so thought it would be nice to do. We used the park and ride into the city which we haven't done before so we both felt like a big accomplishment was achieved by doing that *pat on the back* if it wasn't for our Yorkshire accents I reckon the bus driver could of thought we were tourists 'Is this the bus into York? How do we do it?' he was very helpful, we must have...

9. Currently listening to Smother by Daughter definitely my new favourite band! Over the last few days my dad has been giving his Arsenal stuff away. My dad is a loyal avid fan to Arsenal so his football shirts, mug and ornaments are a bigger deal to him than what they would be to others, what they are to me. So for him to give them away to us has been baffling and shocking to me. All sorts of thoughts have been whizzing through my mind, I haven't understood why the sudden urge for him to give his stuff to us? I couldn't help thinking thoughts relating to the day that I wish to never come, but inevitably will... I asked him today why, 'dad why are you wanting us to have these things?' and the reply I got made complete sense and the subject no longer had to be continued 'It's best to do it now instead of when I can't speak'. He struggles with saying his thoughts and it can take him a while to answer a question but there was very little struggle when...

6.  These are my feelings and my thoughts, no one else's, just mine. In June 2013 my Dad was dealt the card of Motor Neurone Disease, a horrible disease. MND attacks the central nervous system and causes muscles to weaken and waste away. People with MND have to struggle everyday with activities that wouldn't have affected them before. It can be different with each person but sadly the outcome is always the same, there are no survivors, only true fighters! There is no cure... In some cases of MND the person can also have Frontotemporal Dementia. A less common form of dementia but nevertheless devastating. My Dad also has this... I first realised that something wasn't quite right around January 2013, my dad and I were sat in a cafe and he couldn't open a folded lottery ticket my exact words to him were "can't you use for hands or something" his reply was "no, my hand has got really weak" I asked him to make a fist with his right han...