Bethlett .

147 . I love the smell of freshly cut grass I love when cherry blossom trees bloom I love when old couples hold hands I love when men show their vulnerability I love people who are creative I love seeing people with their own styles  I love when people are passionate about things I stupidly love teen rom com movies and programmes because they warm my heart I love the idea of a soul friend, more than a best friend I love the idea of being in a group of ride or die friends  I love when people are supportive, understanding and caring  I love music that has a story  I love candid photographs  I love real physical photographs  I love memories  I love when people can see beauty beyond the obvious  I love when you listen to a song 100 times on repeat because it perfectly sums you up in that moment  I love the fictional love story I write in my mind I love seeing genuine joyous reactions from people  I love so much I wrote thi...

138 . What a year! The first 6 months where lived by a very angry hormonal mess! I’m pretty sure most people couldn’t wait to get away from me, I had zero tolerance for anything! So during this time we got new carpets and our bathroom redecorated and the second bedroom turned into a nursery, even though all these things were my idea, my goodness they added to the uncontrollable rage I seemed to have developed... Those first 6 months consisted of me wanting to buy every single baby related item I saw, baby scans and test and a belly that grew and grew to the point where I alternated 4 or 5 dresses I had as they where the only things that fit, and when they became too tight I ended up basically living in a maxi dress and pjs! Then June appeared, the month I became a mummy, a long 10 days later than I should have but anyway, 3 days of contractions followed by a 2 hour ‘active’ labour! At 16:22 on June 14th my life forever changed and I became a mummy! Amazing. The ...

122 . Week 26 and the third trimester is slowly creeping up!! Meaning baby girl isn't far away from making her dramatic entrance!!  There's just a few things I want to talk about. Pregnancy is a very exciting time but there are annoyances... I LOVE when she kicks, absolutely love it, however, there are times of the day and places in my body where her kicks aren't as appreciated. These being while I'm trying to get to sleep and her kicks that feel so low down I could almost shake her hands and feet! Oo they are uncomfortable kicks I tell ya! And when these types of kicks happen at the time I'm trying to drift off, well, it's just ANNOYING haha.  I love when she kicks me during the day, it's like a little hello every now and again, they kinda make me realise that I have this beautiful human growing inside of me yet it feels so bizarre. Something I wouldn't know how to explain. Occasionally when she's kicking my belly looks like it's d...

100 . 
 Why are we here? What is the point to this huge social experiment we are partaking in? You don't know? Yeah me neither. 
 You'd think for my one hundredth post it would be something inspiring, something I have spent a long time putting together. The truth is it isn't. I'm sat here with no reason at all to write. I have nothing meaningful to say...at least I don't think I do, let's just see how this pans out. 
 I have a confession, I've thought about stopping. I've been questioning myself about carrying this on. "What's the point" my mind is asking. My reply is, well, I have no reply. What is the point? Is the point egotistical reasons? Maybe, sometimes. Is the point to help me? It was and more than likely will be again one day. But right now, this moment there is no reason to carry this on. Not like I have been anyway. Trying hard to post something new each week. I'm enjoying the space from the pressure I found I created f...

89. I just want a best friend. Through my life I've had best friends but none of them have lasted. I admit I'm not good at keeping in contact, I'm not good feeling 100% comfortable around others but I'd love to have a best friend.  The idea of having someone there whenever I'm down, and I be there for them. Someone I don't have to sensor my opinions too, I can show my best side and worst side with no judgement.  I just want a best friend. I sometimes think that if I were to ever lose Rob, touch wood I don't! I'd be really lonely. I don't think I'd have anyone but my mum. I want to have a best friend who becomes apart of the family. No awkwardness.  I've ruined all my previous friendships because I push people away. Then I feel guilty and find it hard to be myself with them again. I miss friendship. I miss laughter till I cry, I miss gossiping about nonsense. I just miss having that feeling of having someone else in my lif...

78 . Hello my loves, I'm currently eating cheesecake while watching WWE Night of Champions on the WWE Network! I bloody love wrestling! I used to watch it as a little girl at a friends house and have loved it ever since. I don't watch it every time it's on because we don't have sky sports but I do watch it every Sunday morning with Robby :)  Now something has been bothering me, this post may offend some people, and could very easily be seen as me 'having a pop' but I promise you I'm not, what I am about to write is something I think we should all just think about because it's something we all say to others... Please stop asking me about children, please don't say 'you'll be next' or 'are you thinking about children?' Etc etc. The truth is, every time someone asks me about whether me and rob are wanting children or even trying for children, fills me with worry.  I may have said this before I'm not sure but I hav...

65 . Hello my loves, it's been awhile hasn't it? Nothing exciting has been happening to be honest, I've just been quiet. You know by now I have these lulls from time to time. I realised the other day that ive been writing to you all for a whole year now!! Can you believe it? I can't! It's gone by so quickly, a little too quick. Can I reflect on the year please? Thank you I will... I started writing to you with the intention of over coming fears, creating a bucket list and ticking the list off as I defined the odds and smashed through my comfort zone. That was my intention. The reality is, my fears only grew and no list was created and nothing was ticked off. Instead writing to you became my platform to empty the mess inside of  my head and basically writing to you stopped me from becoming insane.  I think we all have moments where my minds become a little fuzzy, a little bit too much is happening to juggle. I've had many moments like that in this...

63 . Hello my loves, I started writing this post whilst on the bus and then on my break, there was no inspiration to it, it just sorted happened, I wrote it without thinking so it more than likely doesn't make any sense. But I hope you enjoy it, the randomness of it at least Over the past few days I've been talking to a lovely girl who I've kinda known since I was 16 yet never actually spoke too. We had quite a few mutual friends yet for some reason never hung out, I don't even think we've had a five minute conversation just smiles and hellos. It's crazy because she's such a lovely person so hopefully now we will meet properly sometime :)  The reason I'm telling you this is because it got me thinking about how  in life we build friendships, some have longevity and some don't but for how ever long that individual is apart of your life they can mean so much to you. They can help you through the toughest times and bring a freshness that maybe yo...

59. Hello my loves, I hope you guys are still interested in my blog. I know I haven't wrote to you for a month now but I think I needed some time, time to calm down a little bit. The last time we spoke I was a ball of anxiety and I was struggling but I feel now that the anxiety has fizzled a little bit and I'm feeling pretty okay.  I wanted to write again because I miss it, I miss the feeling that people are getting to know me a little bit. I miss voicing (typing) the voice in my head that never shuts up! And really I missed you guys. So, lets crack on shall we? This wouldn't be a blog post without me telling you who I'm listening to now would it?! JAMES BAY of course, woah I love this guy! So if anyone feels like buying me a gig ticket for him one day please feel free too I honestly won't mind :) I believe I told you guys me and Roberto bought a house, well we are now living here :D this is our third week in our little home and I absolutely love it. For quite...

55. I put my make up on to face the day But deep down I just want to hide away I smile to hide my frown But look in my eyes and you'll see I'm down I'll continue to laugh along But it inside feels wrong I'll join in conversation But my mind is full of confusion I want to feel like myself But something is missing That sparkle has faded in oneself It feels like I'm drifting I hope soon the pain fades That pain won't go in a matter of days I must remember your smile It will carry me for awhile I know you'll be watching me now I hope I've made you proud You wouldn't want me to cry So I promise you I'll try You will never disappear As I will hold you near In my mind and in my heart We will never be apart Much love Beth xx

54. Hello my loves, you have followed me journey with my Dad for quite some time now. You my loves have been the ones I've expressed my feelings too when I've been struggling. You've been the ones I have tried to raise awareness with. You've been there for me when I've felt a bit lost. I updated you last week about my Dad and the fight he was continuing to fight even though it was becoming a bit too much of a battle to beat. It breaks my heart to tell you loves that my beautifully brave Dad lost his fight on Friday 13th February. I'm pretty devastated if I'm completely honest with you all. But I'm so immensely proud of his strength and courage, how he fought and boy did he fight , he was truly incredible.  Emotions come over me in waves, today I spent most of the day okay, just plodding along but tonight I've had a huge break down, crying seems to appear from no where. Today we cleared his room out at the home and it just didn't seem real. ...

50. Hello my loves. WOW we've made it to the fiftieth blog post, if you're reading this one and you've read all of the ones before, thank you for sticking with me and my public diary entries. If you are new to my posts then Hello and welcome to my life, my little world of, well, I'm not to sure...this. I'm listening and watching Sia - Elastic Heart, I absolutely love this song and I love the video! It's so incredibly powerful , I watch it without knowing what it is that is keeping me so drawn to it (maybe Shia's body...) but seriously please go and watch it, don't read the comments of the video if it's the first time you're watching it and let me know what you believe it is portraying. I won't tell you what I believe because I don't want my view to alter what you may initially feel.      I feel like it might be a good time to update you guys on my Dad. By the way, everything I write is solely my feelings and from my point of vie...

49. Dear you, my love... Today marks our one year wedding anniversary. We got married on the 10th January 2014 at 1 o'clock. A day that will forever fill my heart with pure joy and love.  We met in August 2008 and from that first day of meeting we practically became inseparable. I became your girlfriend on the 27th of that month, the day after my 18th birthday and you have made me the happiest person ever :)  In 2012 I 'accidentally' found my engagement ring at the bottom of the wardrobe. It was perfect and I couldn't wait until the day you wanted to ask me to be your wife.  In May 2013 we went to Florida, my first ever holiday abroad, we went to Disneyland and the Universal Studios, we didn't go on many rides because I am a pansy when it comes to rides, but we still had a really nice time. On our final night in Kissimmee we went and watched the fireworks and illuminations at Disney which were so unbelievably incredible. By this point you h...

46. Although there are many hours still left in today, we are in our final hours of 2014. I imagine for a lot of people during these hours will be making numerous 'New Year resolutions' that no one sticks too and many thoughts reflecting back on what we have and haven't done this last year.  For me 2014 started with the best memory I will cherish forever, my wedding day :D on the 10th January I married my best friend, the most amazingly wonderful man who I love so so much. It was a very cold day, Rob was very poorly but it was the greatest day of my life. My Dad walked me down the isle and that is something that is so very special to me.  <3 In July I started this blog, which I love. It helps me and I hope it can help others. With this blog I don't have to pretend who I am or how I am feeling, which is something I do daily. Through this blog I have connected with some wonderful people, family members from Canada and Devon who I never even knew a...

45. Hello my loves :D I feel like I'm slacking with this whole blogging thing, I promise to try and get the swing of it again soon :)  Like my last post I'm listening to McBusted, I still love them and Rob still HASN'T got me any tickets to go and see them...this makes me very sad! I am determined to change his mind though don't you worry my loves. (I'm secretly hoping that he will buy me them for our 1 year wedding anniversary hehe) So lovelies, that's it! The festive season is over and we are about to begin a new year together and start all over again. That's what I like about the new year it's like a refresh, we get to start the year differently. We can look back on the things we disliked from the previous year and some how try to not do what we didn't like again. But also I think mentally when the new year arrives we can picture how we would like that year to go, achieve things we couldn't, set goals for ourselves. I think my goal will ...