Bethlett .

140 . It’s been some time hasn’t it? Even my husband keeps asking me when am I going to write again. Truth is I just haven’t had the words to write, yet so much is going on. Writers block I guess. I don’t know if you who don’t personally know me, know that I’m pregnant again, 8 months in fact! We’re going to have two under two...crazy! I won’t be having anymore in a hurry or at all if I get my way. I’ve struggled this time around, it’s been very painful and stressful. We got told that she was measuring small so I have been having scans every 2 weeks but I’m happy to say that the last 2 scans she has grown and gone above the bottom line woohoo! I’ve also been suffering quite badly with my pelvis, I’m good with pain but crikey it’s not been comfortable at all. I also get very intense braxton hicks most nights, so much so there have been a few occasions we have thought the hospital has been needed but I think I just know subconsciously that labour isn’t happening so I ride it out at h...

137 . Sometimes a crack in the wall will appear  It starts small but over time grows larger Eventually a section will break away Then that section needs to be rebuilt It gets rebuilt onto a fragile structure The new piece is only temporary  How long it remains intact is unknown The crack is  inevitable Sometimes a new crack appears The repairs take even longer The structure more fragile than before Which is to be fixed first? Each brick weighing heavier than the last More repairs needed More and more bricks But the wall refuses to break  The cement becomes thicker with each break The structure gets stronger The cracks never disappear  They add to the beauty of the ever growing wall Beth x

125 . Well...Millie Rose Howlett arrived! The little miss was born at 16:22 on Wednesday 14th June 2017 weighing a solid 8lbs exact! And my god what a quick arrival she made!! Let's start from the beginning shall we? So on the Monday I woke up at half past 5 in the morning with pains in my thighs, I wondered if they were the beginning of labour but I held off calling the hospital because they were bearable and didn't have any routine to them plus I was seeing the midwife that morning for my second sweep so I really hoped she was going to say that it was starting...she said the opposite! She said nothing was happening, I still had a very long way to go and I'd more than likely be induced as I was 8 days over by this point anyway. After that appointment the pains stopped so I was sat thinking GREAT (in a very sarcastic fed up tone) but then they started again that afternoon stronger than the morning but still bearable. I did get my mum to come to my house because we ...

104. Today I'm having a day where I just want to be sad. The events over the past 2 weeks and the news from Sunday is all starting to hit home I think. Sometimes things happen that we have no control over. We say there must be a reason but we never find out fully what that reason is. I want to mention this because I feel I shouldn't hide from it. I don't want pity, this isn't about that. I feel like I have to process it all, and for me sometimes it's simply writing it down and then I can try and move on, never forget, just continue my life. On Sunday 1st May I found out I had heartbreakingly had a miscarriage. I was 7 weeks. May not seem much but it is everything to me. Before Sunday I had 2 weeks of worry, things seemed off. I got told I had a haematoma but was nothing to worry about, then 3 days after being told that we were told our little peanut, or seahorse as I described it had no heartbeat anymore. Heartbreaking. I have grown through a lot of situat...

99 . It's been a year. 365 days. I'm not sure that's something I will ever be able to digest mentally. The sheer speed at which it has past. The realisation there's been no contact. No existence anymore.  Not being able to see you in all that time has been possibly the only thing I've coped with because I can see you in my mind. In my dreams. What I've found difficult to comprehend is I haven't been able to speak to you, hear your voice or even send a text message. I still have you in my phone, your name is still in my contacts but the truth is that number will be someone else's now. I can't call. I've found those the hardest moments because I will always remember your face but your voice has become increasingly more difficult to remember. It's painful.  I've thought about you everyday and recently you have been in my dreams. They are so bittersweet...I have to wake up. I wake up with the fact that you're no longer in my ...

92. Another year is almost over and we're about to start all over again. Are you excited? Are you ready for it? Or is there still apart of you wanting to hold onto the year that's just passed us by?  Looking back what did you set out and achieve? Did all your plans go as planned and work out? Did any milestones happen? There's a lot to think back on isn't there?  What plans do you have for the year that's about to start? Or do you just want to go with the flow this time around? Whatever it is you have planned, enjoy it. Grasp it close in your heart and run with it. Because the year that's about to start can't be redone until the next. Don't go into a fresh year with regrets, don't go into it with fear. Walk through the gates of 2016 with excitement and determination. This new year is going to be YOUR year.  Be strong, be proud, be confident. Believe that the person you are is worthy, you deserve happiness, you deserve all the good thi...

69. Hello my loves, I know I know two blog posts in less than 24 hours! I don't mean to bombard you it's just what I want to talk about has to be written today because I'm at work the rest of the week and I would have missed my chance. Let me first of all just say if you haven't read post 69 here is the link for you to do so :) I wouldn't want you missing out now would I? It's about the amazingness of daydreaming and imagination, so I really hope you enjoy and can relate. http://bethlett.blogspot.co.uk/2015/08/68.html In three days time, Thursday the 13th August, the day marks six months since my Dad passed away, six months! The thirteenth day of each month has become a prominent day in my mind. It makes me realise that more weeks, days, hours and minutes have gone by without him being around. You see when he was alive I maybe could have gone weeks without seeing him and days without hearing from him but he was around, he was still breathing the same...

61. First of all, I know it's been awhile. I've turned quite rubbish at this blogging shizniz! But oh well I'm here now so lets start... Hello my loves, oh loves I'm not listening to anything while I write this, I'm merely just sitting here with only the light from the computer screen to spur me on to write to you all. I have TWO things to say in this blog... Remember months a go when I wrote a blog titled 'This fat chicks gotta get fit'? well I never got fit BUT today (Sunday 14/06/15) I COMPLETED THE 10K!!!!!!!!! I walked the full thing, I've never ran before so I would have been stupid to think I could have ran today. Granted I was right at the back I did it, I got involved in something I would have NEVER of done before.  Some of you may think 'meh it's only 10K' but believe me loves, that's a huge deal to me, zero confident me!! I saw people I knew and I still cracked on with it. There where moments as I was walking along wher...

60. Good evening loves, how are you? I'm good thank you, I'm currently sat here with wet hair listening to a song I heard on Catfish The TV Show, its called Over by a band called Johnnyswim, it's a bit depressing really but nice at the same time. I know I'm weird and I have weird taste in music but oh well in the words of Shirley Bassey I am who I am. I wanted to write to you today to tell you about the walk I did yesterday (Sunday) myself and others from work plus Rob and our friend, we all joined in with the Humber Bridge Walk, some of you may remember we did this walk last year and it was great. This time was no different, it was fabtab!! I loved seeing the sea of blue everyone was in, I've never liked the colour more!! Oh loves I wish we could all get together and walk it together, or walk something greater that would be pretty lovely! There we are look :) doing our bit. There were a lot of people there, lots of children and dogs. It felt like a prop...

54. Hello my loves, you have followed me journey with my Dad for quite some time now. You my loves have been the ones I've expressed my feelings too when I've been struggling. You've been the ones I have tried to raise awareness with. You've been there for me when I've felt a bit lost. I updated you last week about my Dad and the fight he was continuing to fight even though it was becoming a bit too much of a battle to beat. It breaks my heart to tell you loves that my beautifully brave Dad lost his fight on Friday 13th February. I'm pretty devastated if I'm completely honest with you all. But I'm so immensely proud of his strength and courage, how he fought and boy did he fight , he was truly incredible.  Emotions come over me in waves, today I spent most of the day okay, just plodding along but tonight I've had a huge break down, crying seems to appear from no where. Today we cleared his room out at the home and it just didn't seem real. ...

53. Hello my loves... This may seem like a very strange time, some may think I shouldn't write at all right now but as I'm just sat here, waiting, I feel I should (plus I've been given permission from my sister Kellie and Rob) On Wednesday 4th February, which seems like a lifetime ago, I got a phone call to say things with Dad had took a turn and we all needed to get to the home as time was looking short. I can't explain the fear that was going through me. The panic was so strong I was physically shaking until i got to the home to see him.  I had no idea what to expect, what had happened or what was going to happen, I just had to go with it. I guess we all do when faced with these extremes.  I have to admit I was pretty shocked to see that once the sedation had worn off he was back to his smiley self, even dancing along to the music.  But we knew it was serious when they said he was now completely nill by mouth, no food, no liquid.  An influx of...