I'm A Loner, But It's Okay

119.

From time to time I go quiet. I'm not purposely being rude or ignoring people I just go quiet. It's like I don't have the thoughts for a fluid conversation. I seem to become comfortable with no thoughts at all.

I would say I have always been a loner, this used to bother me but now I kinda enjoy it. I enjoy my own space, being silent for a while. It doesn't mean anything is wrong it just means I'm, well I don't know what it means really.

I guess I often fight a thought in my head that tells me relationships are difficult to maintain, too much work, when really they aren't at all. I'm very capable of keeping relationships going, that shows with Rob, family and a small handful of friends. I wonder if I think this because the longer someone sticks around for the less I can pretend I'm an outgoing funny person. Like I said I'm really quite quiet and I have a lot of deep thoughts.

I sometimes think that part of the reason is I'm the only person who fully gets me, understands my faults and I don't judge myself because of them. I guess sometimes we as individuals believe are are the only person we can rely on. That's true to an extent but we all have moments where we feel we've let ourselves down.

I will say that just because I enjoy my own company, because I am said loner that doesn't mean I don't get lonely from time to time. Of course I do. Sometimes I welcome the few hours alone when Rob goes and plays darts, other times I practically beg him to stay because I just want him there, even if we don't speak, he's around and that's comforting.

Why am I writing this? I have no idea. (I think I'm having a secret bout of wanting to be quiet)

Much love

Beth x

Contact - bethsblog90@gmail.com

Comments

My letter to MND

22. Dear you, I want to start off by saying I don't like you. From the day we have met all you have done is cause pain, you have caused misery! That is all you do for everyone you meet. You find them at their best and demolish their whole being. You break them down to the point where there is no fight left, but they will fight you until the very end knowing they will never win. One day they will win, one day we will all break YOU down so you're not here any more. None of us like you, but you bring us all closer together. You make us realise that we can't go on just floating by, you make us realise that time is the most precious thing any one in the world has got! And with that precious time we have to make as many wonderful memories possible, we have to tackle all the hurdles you throw at us so that you know we will stick together and fight you. I have the displeasure of knowing you, so many others have the displeasure of living with you. For those I can't i...

Arsenal, Tears and Happiness!

26. We meet again my loves, how ya diddling? I'm good, I have two weeks off work now :D nothing major is planned...oh wait HARRY POTTER STUDIOS and bonfire night, I love bonfire night, the magic of the fireworks and sparklers is just so beautiful. I will definitely try and get some pictures of the fireworks and sparklers of the bonfire I'm planning on going too. Is it just in the UK we celebrate bonfire night? I'm currently listening Marmozets - Captivate You, I've heard this band quite a lot on Kerrang radio and just love this song, it gets me bouncing around in my seat. I downloaded their album and it's pretty belting I have to say! It was on repeat everyday this past week on the bus, a definite boost before work. I don't know if I told you guys that my Dads best friend, Steve, contacted Arsenal (my Dad is obsessed) and explained his situation and how much he loves the team and always has done, and they wrote him back to say they would send Dad...

This may upset you...

50. Hello my loves. WOW we've made it to the fiftieth blog post, if you're reading this one and you've read all of the ones before, thank you for sticking with me and my public diary entries. If you are new to my posts then Hello and welcome to my life, my little world of, well, I'm not to sure...this. I'm listening and watching Sia - Elastic Heart, I absolutely love this song and I love the video! It's so incredibly powerful , I watch it without knowing what it is that is keeping me so drawn to it (maybe Shia's body...) but seriously please go and watch it, don't read the comments of the video if it's the first time you're watching it and let me know what you believe it is portraying. I won't tell you what I believe because I don't want my view to alter what you may initially feel. I feel like it might be a good time to update you guys on my Dad. By the way, everything I write is solely my feelings and from my point of vie...

Bethlett .

Search This Blog