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It’s 8:50pm on a Friday night and I’m in bed! Rock and roll! I’m just so tired, the darker evenings make the evenings drag out so my brain is ready for bed at like 6pm.
I just wanted to update you on how things are going. Millie is sleeping through the night. Woohoo!! It’s something I’m cherishing and not taking for granted as I know it can all change instantly! I don’t feel like I have a routine, my routine is a none routine kinda routine. But it works, she’s happy and we’re happy so all is good! I sometimes doubt myself or feel like I’m a bad Mum when I talk to other mums who have solid routines, but then what I do I’m content with so I won’t fight with it.
I’m trying to teach her how to sit up, it’s not going well. She’s a strong girl but just not strong enough yet to hold herself up sitting. She’ll get there, I reckon in a few weeks we will be there and loving it!
This week I’ve pushed myself a bit, I went to the playgroup on Tuesday morning, I hated it! My anxious inside self was screaming to get out of there but I stayed. Okay so Millie may have been tired and started crying within 5 minutes of being there so I spent the whole time sat on a chair watching. I reckon she felt my nervous energy and wanted cuddles, probably more to comfort me than herself. But I will keep trying! I think it’s the whole sitting on the floor thing, my legs just won’t bend the way they should to sit comfy on a floor. I blame my height, it’s absolutely nothing to do with my height but I wanna blame something! And a room full of strangers is a scary task for me. I didn’t like that sort of thing before a baby and I don’t like it now, but now I feel like if I say anything people will think I suffer with PND (it’s like the go to thing when a new Mum ha a negative feeling pfft). But like I said, I’ll keep trying.
I’ve also visited 2 nurseries! Thank god for my friend at the first one because she asked all the questions while I stood there with a mind blank trying not to be overly judgemental (I was totally being overly judgemental) and the second one I had Rob as a support system. I get very overly worked up about standing still because I always feel dizzy, I’ve been battling this dizziness for a few years now and it’s still not easy. And I get more worked up when I’m holding the baby. I had a bad turn in my neighbours kitchen a few weeks ago, I had to hold onto her counter top because I thought I was going to go, and I was holding the baby!!! So yeah the whole nursery thing got more anxiety feelings working overtime. But the second one we saw could be the one, I just loved it! Made me feel more comfortable with the thought of it. We are only planning on once a week but it’s still quite a daunting prospect leaving your baby with randoms.
And the plan for tomorrow is another out of my comfort zone jobby, we are going to Leeds to celebrate a birthday. Why can’t I just stay in my little bubble???? Oh yeah, because that’s not living a full life!
Must push those boundaries!
Much love,
Beth xx
It’s 8:50pm on a Friday night and I’m in bed! Rock and roll! I’m just so tired, the darker evenings make the evenings drag out so my brain is ready for bed at like 6pm.
I just wanted to update you on how things are going. Millie is sleeping through the night. Woohoo!! It’s something I’m cherishing and not taking for granted as I know it can all change instantly! I don’t feel like I have a routine, my routine is a none routine kinda routine. But it works, she’s happy and we’re happy so all is good! I sometimes doubt myself or feel like I’m a bad Mum when I talk to other mums who have solid routines, but then what I do I’m content with so I won’t fight with it.
I’m trying to teach her how to sit up, it’s not going well. She’s a strong girl but just not strong enough yet to hold herself up sitting. She’ll get there, I reckon in a few weeks we will be there and loving it!
This week I’ve pushed myself a bit, I went to the playgroup on Tuesday morning, I hated it! My anxious inside self was screaming to get out of there but I stayed. Okay so Millie may have been tired and started crying within 5 minutes of being there so I spent the whole time sat on a chair watching. I reckon she felt my nervous energy and wanted cuddles, probably more to comfort me than herself. But I will keep trying! I think it’s the whole sitting on the floor thing, my legs just won’t bend the way they should to sit comfy on a floor. I blame my height, it’s absolutely nothing to do with my height but I wanna blame something! And a room full of strangers is a scary task for me. I didn’t like that sort of thing before a baby and I don’t like it now, but now I feel like if I say anything people will think I suffer with PND (it’s like the go to thing when a new Mum ha a negative feeling pfft). But like I said, I’ll keep trying.
I’ve also visited 2 nurseries! Thank god for my friend at the first one because she asked all the questions while I stood there with a mind blank trying not to be overly judgemental (I was totally being overly judgemental) and the second one I had Rob as a support system. I get very overly worked up about standing still because I always feel dizzy, I’ve been battling this dizziness for a few years now and it’s still not easy. And I get more worked up when I’m holding the baby. I had a bad turn in my neighbours kitchen a few weeks ago, I had to hold onto her counter top because I thought I was going to go, and I was holding the baby!!! So yeah the whole nursery thing got more anxiety feelings working overtime. But the second one we saw could be the one, I just loved it! Made me feel more comfortable with the thought of it. We are only planning on once a week but it’s still quite a daunting prospect leaving your baby with randoms.
And the plan for tomorrow is another out of my comfort zone jobby, we are going to Leeds to celebrate a birthday. Why can’t I just stay in my little bubble???? Oh yeah, because that’s not living a full life!
Must push those boundaries!
Much love,
Beth xx
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