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House and best friend wedding :D

56.

 Hello my loves, it feels like its been a very long time since my last post but it really wasn't that long ago. I'm currently listening to a singer on YouTube called Rusty Clanton, his song Novels is such a beautiful song I just keep playing it over and over again. Please go and listen to it. 

 I sit here waiting for my hair to dry so I can curl it thinking to myself of all the things I want to say but realising there isn't much in my mind to put out there. There's no poems in my mind or profound words that I feel I must say but this is me so we'll just see how this post goes shall we. 
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 With all that has happened I feel very mixed up, it's like my mind keeps contradicting itself and I'm not really sure what's going on. I feel like I'm in the room but I'm not there, I'm not paying attention but I'm pretending to be. It's weird and I don't know if people can tell. I wonder if the people around me can tell I'm talking less, or that my smiles aren't 100% felt within my heart. Or is my mind making me feel like I'm like this when I'm actually exactly the same as I have always been? But deep in my heart I can feel that I'm different, it's like I can actually feel a piece of myself missing and I'm trying to mask that as much as I possibly can. 

 I'll be honest with you my loves, I hate crying or being upset in front of people because I don't want people to see me vulnerable but this situation, losing a parent hurts like a bitch! And it's so hard trying to be strong when vulnerability is desperately trying to creep out.  Tomorrow (Tuesday) is my Dad's funeral, after almost a month since he passed we can finally say our goodbyes, maybe once I say goodbye for the last time this fuzziness in my head will settle a little bit. Trust me when I say I'll be fighting those tears like Tyson in a boxing match. 

Dad, I love you!

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My loves I have positive news...WE'VE GOT A HOUSE :D Yes yes me and Roberto are now home owners and we are currently decorating the place so we can move in within the next 2 weeks all being well. I held off telling you all because I didn't want to jinx things but now I'm so so happy to be telling you all this. And I really hope you lovelies are happy for us, because I'm happy for us. A new start, a new chapter to start writing and enjoying. Oh loves <3 


 Oh loves <3 

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Finally I just want to say at the weekend I saw my beauty of a friend married :D My heart is filled of joy and happiness for her. We've known each other for 9 whole years. It's crazy to think about how we were back when we first met at 16/17, the times we awkwardly stood at the back of gigs because we fancied the guys in the band. Going to Spiders nightclub with wayyy to much eye-liner on, getting matching G-Twins tattoos, to this day I still don't think if we know for sure if we we're called that by our tutor. We practically spent every single day together doing nothing but laughing all the time. And now we are both married, she has a beautiful little girl who melted my heart when I saw her at the weekend. We don't see each other enough because life just passes us by before we know it but I hold her dear to my heart, always have and always will. 

Rachie I wish both you and Phil a fabtabulous life together filled with happiness, laughter, love and amazing memories. 
<3



Much love
Beth xxx

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  1. Suey09 March, 2015 23:01

    I had to do a double take on that last pic Beth, you look so different now, you will be full of mixed emotions at the mo, you are a lovely thoughtful young lady, and I wish you love and happiness in this next chapter of yours and Robs lives, your dad will always be in your heart x x x x

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