104.
Today I'm having a day where I just want to be sad. The events over the past 2 weeks and the news from Sunday is all starting to hit home I think.
Sometimes things happen that we have no control over. We say there must be a reason but we never find out fully what that reason is.
I want to mention this because I feel I shouldn't hide from it. I don't want pity, this isn't about that. I feel like I have to process it all, and for me sometimes it's simply writing it down and then I can try and move on, never forget, just continue my life.
On Sunday 1st May I found out I had heartbreakingly had a miscarriage. I was 7 weeks. May not seem much but it is everything to me. Before Sunday I had 2 weeks of worry, things seemed off. I got told I had a haematoma but was nothing to worry about, then 3 days after being told that we were told our little peanut, or seahorse as I described it had no heartbeat anymore. Heartbreaking.
I have grown through a lot of situations in the past, I have learnt life lessons etc but this experience, well it feels 'real'. Past situations have involved me but they haven't been my body if that makes sense. They have felt like I was looking through a window into a chaotic room. This experience feels like I'm stood in the middle of the chaos in that living room.
My husband has been amazing, my rock. My mum has allowed me to wake her up each morning crying or just to chat because I was awake from 4am, again my rock. Friends (they'll know who) have also been unbelievably supportive. However it still, somehow, feels very lonely. It feels like I can't talk to many people about it because it's private but me being the person I am I want to express my feelings as much as possible, so it's been difficult. This is why I'm probably writing this. I can't keep this in.
It hasn't been easy. I've felt like after each piece of news I got something had to top it. After Sunday I was okay for about a day then pain! Pain like I've never felt in my life, for 2/3 days straight. Then a fever, hospital and a course of antibiotics. It felt like my body wasn't quite done with putting me through the ringer.
Today I'm sad, I now have to grieve for the little being I couldn't wait to meet. I have to get better, my body needs to heal. I feel like if miscarriage wasn't a taboo subject us women and also the dads, we shouldn't forget the men in this, I feel we wouldn't feel so alone. Us as humans need to get over this awkwardness when death is mentioned. Please don't feel awkward reading this, it's all apart of life. Sometimes life throws you things you have to grow from. This for me, is one of those moments.
Love,
Beth xx
bethsblog90@gmail.com
Today I'm having a day where I just want to be sad. The events over the past 2 weeks and the news from Sunday is all starting to hit home I think.
Sometimes things happen that we have no control over. We say there must be a reason but we never find out fully what that reason is.
I want to mention this because I feel I shouldn't hide from it. I don't want pity, this isn't about that. I feel like I have to process it all, and for me sometimes it's simply writing it down and then I can try and move on, never forget, just continue my life.
On Sunday 1st May I found out I had heartbreakingly had a miscarriage. I was 7 weeks. May not seem much but it is everything to me. Before Sunday I had 2 weeks of worry, things seemed off. I got told I had a haematoma but was nothing to worry about, then 3 days after being told that we were told our little peanut, or seahorse as I described it had no heartbeat anymore. Heartbreaking.
I have grown through a lot of situations in the past, I have learnt life lessons etc but this experience, well it feels 'real'. Past situations have involved me but they haven't been my body if that makes sense. They have felt like I was looking through a window into a chaotic room. This experience feels like I'm stood in the middle of the chaos in that living room.
My husband has been amazing, my rock. My mum has allowed me to wake her up each morning crying or just to chat because I was awake from 4am, again my rock. Friends (they'll know who) have also been unbelievably supportive. However it still, somehow, feels very lonely. It feels like I can't talk to many people about it because it's private but me being the person I am I want to express my feelings as much as possible, so it's been difficult. This is why I'm probably writing this. I can't keep this in.
It hasn't been easy. I've felt like after each piece of news I got something had to top it. After Sunday I was okay for about a day then pain! Pain like I've never felt in my life, for 2/3 days straight. Then a fever, hospital and a course of antibiotics. It felt like my body wasn't quite done with putting me through the ringer.
Today I'm sad, I now have to grieve for the little being I couldn't wait to meet. I have to get better, my body needs to heal. I feel like if miscarriage wasn't a taboo subject us women and also the dads, we shouldn't forget the men in this, I feel we wouldn't feel so alone. Us as humans need to get over this awkwardness when death is mentioned. Please don't feel awkward reading this, it's all apart of life. Sometimes life throws you things you have to grow from. This for me, is one of those moments.
Love,
Beth xx
bethsblog90@gmail.com
Comments
Post a Comment