71.
Good evening my loves, or good morning, or even good afternoon to whoever reads these posts. How are you? What have you been up to this weekend? I worked on Saturday and went to my Mums on Sunday and all I've done today is sit at the computer and watch YouTube videos. I've been scratched to heck by Logan (our kitten) he's nicely caught my face! God damn it! And now I am listening to old 90's music which thinking about it a lot of it was quite depressing! BUT very very good. LOVE 90's music.
I had every intention this evening to make buns but my mood has slowly but surely become lower and lower as the evening has progressed, I am having an evening of low confidence and a want to be very honest and open with you loves, but I think if I do that I will regret it. So lets just see what my brain and fingers end up typing shall we?
PARKLIFE BY BLUR HAS COME ON!!! DANCE WITH ME!!
*cough* sorry about that. it's just a great song!
Loves, I'm putting this out there...I'm fat and before you think 'oh Beth' I don't wanna hear the lies, I am, I know it and you know it. I must weigh a million stone by now, this year I have really piled on the weight and I feel uncomfortable, I feel like an elephant. I need to change this. Loves, I have bad skin today! I have a massive spot on my cheek and chin, oh why can't I have lovely youthful glowing skin? I turn 25 on the 26th and I feel old, I believe I could be having a quarter life crisis! Yep, I'm pretty sure I am. Life is feeling very dramatic at the moment yet nothing is happening.
Going back to the fat thing, I have always been heavy. My brother used to call me Mr Blobby. If he were to call me that now I have an almighty right hook so he'd know about it. I had a couple of years of being much smaller than what I ever have been but I only achieved that by not eating during the day. Very silly, I wouldn't recommend it. But now, now I can't stop bloody eating, and all I eat is rubbish! I am not wanting any comments saying I look fine or anything. I am the only one to change my habits. I know I will one day, hopefully sooner than later :D
Oh jeez, The Smiths has just come on, if I wasn't feeling down before I definitely do now!
I feel that if more plus sized ladies where in the spot light it would give others like myself who don't embrace the bodies they have more confidence to be proud of who we are. I see these 'plus sized' models online and quite frankly it angers me because they aren't. I want women with wobbly parts to be out there and seen as beautiful instead of an easy target for a laugh. I am allowed to criticise myself, I do not have the right to criticise others appearances and others do not have the right to criticise my appearance. This doesn't just stand for peoples weight, it stands for anything anyone decides.
No one should be made to feel they can't express who they are just because others don't like it or understand it. Instead we should all be able to express ourselves freely with how we dress and chose to live. At the end of the day we only have ourselves to make us happy, so why do things that make us unhappy because one person disagrees? People don't have to understand, they just have to respect.
I waste so much of my time being overly aware of how I look, I spend a stupid amount of time in the morning covering my face in make up so others don't see my natural true face. I won't wear jeans because I have fat legs, I wear baggy tops to cover my stomach. I spend all this time on stuff that really doesn't matter instead of spending time with others who do matter or involving myself in activities that I'd enjoy. I've conformed to society because society decides what people my size can and can not do. I must never post an image of myself that has skin on show because my skin is much more stretched out than others and that's not 'pretty'. FUCK THAT I am making a mental note in my mind right now to stop conforming to what others believe is right and instead I will do what I wish and enjoy my time here. I don't know society and society doesn't know me!
So loves, I may well and truly be fat, and have bad skin but you know what?? I'm beautiful. And you reading this, thinking of the flaws you have, remember you are beautiful too.
"She warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within.”
- Beauty and the Beast
Much love,
Beth xxx
Hear hear, very well said!! ��
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