16.
Hey, Hello, Hi, Yo my loves, thought I'd mix it up a little bit there, I hope you enjoyed that. I am currently sitting here listening to Alexisonfire's album Crisis, this album and Watch Out are my two faves of theirs. I was lucky enough to see Alexisonfire back in 2007 (I think it was 2007) in Nottingham, we got their while the support band was on and it was pretty busy but I somehow managed to get to the front directing across from Dallas Green, beautiful man - just saying! I screamed along to every song and was deaf for around two days so all in all it was pretty god damn epic!
I thought I would do a quick follow up from blog 14, I had just posted my first booklet off from my Dementia course and had my hospital appointment that day and I also was half way through a page from my colouring book *insert cute face because I feel daft writing that* and on a side note I just want to update you on my day last Friday, which was upsetting for me. Is that okay? I'll write it last so you don't need to read it if you are bored of my on going miserable stuff.
THE COLOURING BOOK! This was the end result...
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Isn't it just so purdy? Stupid Sharpies though means I have to buy some colouring pencils to carry on my book of prettiness. I know I can easily just buy colouring pencils but there are so many different kinds now, there are pearly ones, pastel ones, normal ones, cheap ones, expensive ones, pencils where the lead is a different colour to the pencil itself WHY MAKE IT SO DIFFICULT!!??? Back in the 90's there where just normal colours, you only had to decide if you wanted pencils or wax crayons, take me back!
On Saturday while at work I received an email to say I had PASSED my first booklet for my course *woops and cheers* and as you may have already guessed...no I haven't started the second booklet, my intention is to start right after I click the publish button on this but I may get distracted by food or YouTube videos or just my general laziness. I know you're judging me, I can sense it. But I'm so happy I passed the first one, I'm not a complete moron after all.
I feel quite giddy writing this blog, I hope you can sense the sarcasm.
So my hospital appointment, main thing to say is my brain is absolutely fine. There is no damage to anything that may be causing this feeling of dizziness/falling/imbalance. So that's good news but also not great news because that means the neurologist has no idea what it could be. He looked at all the results from my previous blood tests and each one was normal and fine. He suggested I have a 24 hour ECG to which I told him I already had one and results where fine from that too. My problem got the neurologist stumped, he has no idea what it could be and why it happens. I asked if it could be lights and he said it was a good theory but couldn't confirm it or deny because he's not an eye specialist. He wants me to see a physiotherapist to learn techniques on how to learn to live with whatever it is I've got wrong with me. So I'll just keep waiting. (I still think it's lights)
This is where I give you permission to stop reading if you are bored of my miserable stuff...
Last Friday I saw my dad for a couple of hours in the morning while his brother and sister (my Aunty and Uncle) where up here visiting him. Us three had a meeting in the morning, hopefully some stuff will be arranged from it but I don't know. In these meetings we have about dad stuff gets said that is just heartbreaking to hear, having to say the words out loud that no child wants to say about their parent and constantly realising that time is limited with the person you unconditionally love is so hard. My Aunty and Uncle where taking my Dad to where he was born and I got told that morning about it and my anxiety on having this information sprung on me stopped me from wanting to join them, I couldn't mentally prepare myself, I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous but I can't stop it.
Anyway we went to pick Dad up so I could say bye to him and I can't remember why we were going to his room but we where. As we were going upstairs he fell. It was the first time I've seen him fall, I've been with him before hours after a fall where he seemed to have scuffed every joint on his body and cleaned it up but I've never seen him actually fall. Thankfully he did not hurt himself but he got so upset the most upset I've seen him get and again it was heartbreaking. I was upset seeing him upset but I couldn't show that to him, I had to support him and try my best to make him laugh and put a spin on things to take away those feelings of sadness.
After around 10 minutes he was absolutely fine and they all dropped me off and had a lovely day together. However for me I went to my mums and cried. My mum is the only person, apart from Rob, I feel I can just cry too. I try so hard to keep composed and strong but incidents happen that I find too difficult to handle...I try. Other things upset me that morning so it was a big build up of stuff that I tried but failed to keep under-wraps.
Be strong through the hard times, enjoy the good times and love the ones who are forever with you.
Much love
Beth xx
p.s to leave a comment select the name/url option in the drop down menu
Hey, Hello, Hi, Yo my loves, thought I'd mix it up a little bit there, I hope you enjoyed that. I am currently sitting here listening to Alexisonfire's album Crisis, this album and Watch Out are my two faves of theirs. I was lucky enough to see Alexisonfire back in 2007 (I think it was 2007) in Nottingham, we got their while the support band was on and it was pretty busy but I somehow managed to get to the front directing across from Dallas Green, beautiful man - just saying! I screamed along to every song and was deaf for around two days so all in all it was pretty god damn epic!
I thought I would do a quick follow up from blog 14, I had just posted my first booklet off from my Dementia course and had my hospital appointment that day and I also was half way through a page from my colouring book *insert cute face because I feel daft writing that* and on a side note I just want to update you on my day last Friday, which was upsetting for me. Is that okay? I'll write it last so you don't need to read it if you are bored of my on going miserable stuff.
THE COLOURING BOOK! This was the end result...
Isn't it just so purdy? Stupid Sharpies though means I have to buy some colouring pencils to carry on my book of prettiness. I know I can easily just buy colouring pencils but there are so many different kinds now, there are pearly ones, pastel ones, normal ones, cheap ones, expensive ones, pencils where the lead is a different colour to the pencil itself WHY MAKE IT SO DIFFICULT!!??? Back in the 90's there where just normal colours, you only had to decide if you wanted pencils or wax crayons, take me back!
On Saturday while at work I received an email to say I had PASSED my first booklet for my course *woops and cheers* and as you may have already guessed...no I haven't started the second booklet, my intention is to start right after I click the publish button on this but I may get distracted by food or YouTube videos or just my general laziness. I know you're judging me, I can sense it. But I'm so happy I passed the first one, I'm not a complete moron after all.
I feel quite giddy writing this blog, I hope you can sense the sarcasm.
So my hospital appointment, main thing to say is my brain is absolutely fine. There is no damage to anything that may be causing this feeling of dizziness/falling/imbalance. So that's good news but also not great news because that means the neurologist has no idea what it could be. He looked at all the results from my previous blood tests and each one was normal and fine. He suggested I have a 24 hour ECG to which I told him I already had one and results where fine from that too. My problem got the neurologist stumped, he has no idea what it could be and why it happens. I asked if it could be lights and he said it was a good theory but couldn't confirm it or deny because he's not an eye specialist. He wants me to see a physiotherapist to learn techniques on how to learn to live with whatever it is I've got wrong with me. So I'll just keep waiting. (I still think it's lights)
This is where I give you permission to stop reading if you are bored of my miserable stuff...
Last Friday I saw my dad for a couple of hours in the morning while his brother and sister (my Aunty and Uncle) where up here visiting him. Us three had a meeting in the morning, hopefully some stuff will be arranged from it but I don't know. In these meetings we have about dad stuff gets said that is just heartbreaking to hear, having to say the words out loud that no child wants to say about their parent and constantly realising that time is limited with the person you unconditionally love is so hard. My Aunty and Uncle where taking my Dad to where he was born and I got told that morning about it and my anxiety on having this information sprung on me stopped me from wanting to join them, I couldn't mentally prepare myself, I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous but I can't stop it.
Anyway we went to pick Dad up so I could say bye to him and I can't remember why we were going to his room but we where. As we were going upstairs he fell. It was the first time I've seen him fall, I've been with him before hours after a fall where he seemed to have scuffed every joint on his body and cleaned it up but I've never seen him actually fall. Thankfully he did not hurt himself but he got so upset the most upset I've seen him get and again it was heartbreaking. I was upset seeing him upset but I couldn't show that to him, I had to support him and try my best to make him laugh and put a spin on things to take away those feelings of sadness.
After around 10 minutes he was absolutely fine and they all dropped me off and had a lovely day together. However for me I went to my mums and cried. My mum is the only person, apart from Rob, I feel I can just cry too. I try so hard to keep composed and strong but incidents happen that I find too difficult to handle...I try. Other things upset me that morning so it was a big build up of stuff that I tried but failed to keep under-wraps.
I NEED TO GET A GRIP!
Be strong through the hard times, enjoy the good times and love the ones who are forever with you.
Much love
Beth xx
p.s to leave a comment select the name/url option in the drop down menu
Hi beth .love reading your blog.so sad hearing things about my best mate .xx
ReplyDeleteFab as always
ReplyDeleteYou are a strong lady. xxx
Hi Beth,
ReplyDeleteG (your cousin!) showed me this. Years ago I had the same symptoms - pretty awful I feel with you completely! It took almost a whole year to get diagnosed with "Visual Vertigo", after tests, scans, all sorts of specialist appointments. There are many types of vertigo, I don't know if yours is the same but it may be worth trying a few of the things I did to reduce its impact (it comes and goes, with varying severity). Visual vertigo happens when your brain puts too much emphasis on your visual input (i.e., your eyes). The human balance system is mainly fed from three things: eyes, ears, and feet, if any of these suddenly become more prominent, or absent (e.g., ear infection) imbalance and dizziness kick in, and with them often a sense of panic! Main thing: don't panic. Things to try: avoid artificial lighting, sit near a window with natural light, or take lots of breaks, go outside and look in the distance on a natural scene. Avoid reflective areas (I've become an expert at choosing seats in meeting rooms with glass walls!). Shut your eyes for a bit of it helps, then open them slowly to a close-up, static view (e.g., your legs/lap) before you look up. I also avoid very busy scenes, generally if I'm surrounded by a lot of movement, my brain confuses it for my *own* movement, and I get dizzy. But the main thing is not to worry or panic. It is very uncomfortable and horrible, but it will pass. Panic will just exacerbate the problem.
Hope you feel better soon.
- Yasi xx
Hey Yasi, thank you for the advise! Ive been suffering with this since December and it comes in waves, the begin with it was so bad I could hardly walk in a straight line or stand without holding onto someone. Then it calmed right down and now it flits between really bad one day to not so bad the next :( I work in a supermarket so im surrounded by lots of movement and artificial lighting. I so hope it will one day just go.
DeleteMuch love to you, Gemma and the little one :) xxx
I nominated you for the liebster award! http://catrionalauder.blogspot.com/2014/09/my-liebster-award-nomination.html
ReplyDeleteHi Beth, I know *exactly* what that feels like!! I too couldn't walk straight at some point in fact I had to be signed off work because I got to a point when I couldn't walk at all.. it was quite frightening when I didn't know why this started happening to me and anxiety just made it worse.. after I got the diagnosis I felt better and more in control. Supermarkets are probably the worst environment for this I avoided going there at busy times for a while :( do you work near the entrance? can you ask to work near the entrance? at least that way you could look out every now and then, away from artificial light... I feel for you :(
ReplyDeleteStay strong! xx
I think a week after the wedding I got signed off work for a month because it was so bad, I have noticed when I over think about it when it's happening it feels worse and makes my full body shake. I work on the kiosk so right next to the entrance, if it feels bad they let me sit down or I'll walk away to a darker area for a few minutes to readjust my eyes. I feel relieved that I'm not crazy lol and that this is an actual thing rather just in my head. Thank you for helping :)
DeleteXx