Skip to main content

Can I change?

8.

Hello my loves. Please take a few minutes out of your lives to listen to Beautiful Tragedy by Mike Dignam, it's truly amazing I don't think you would regret listening to it. I'm seriously going to have to write a blog about all of my favourite songs, well only if you'd like me too?

I'm currently sitting here wearing my glasses that I'm so desperately trying to get used too but my head hurts so I'm taking the annoying things off! 

Right then, it has literally taken me so many attempts to write this blog, the subject matter has changed each time but I've settled on what I'm writing about now so I will get on with it :)

MOTIVATION! I possibly have zero motivation! I know it's bad and yes I'm ashamed but for some reason I can not fibre up the energy to be motivated when doing things. Are any of you like this? 
I don't know where it stems from but I've been like this for most of my life. I go through phases of telling myself I will stick to things such as exercising, losing weight, studying etc but I never do, I get distracted (I'm getting distracted right now) and I just don't know how to stop myself from being like this!! HELP ME

My continuous lack of motivation during school, college and now my early adulthood (at the tender age of 23) I have no clue what to do with my life. I see what others my age are doing now and I can't help feeling inadequate. I seem to have no idea what I'm doing, I've got myself into a routine that I want to change but can't be bothered too, I'm too scared too. 
HOWEVER I have recently signed up to do a Dementia Care course, seeing the path life has taken my dad down, I want to understand more about Dementia and MND. I have to complete the course in around 14 weeks I believe so there's four things I'm hoping for...

1. I can complete the course in the allotted time so I don't get a fine  
2. The course will open my mind to a possible career path
3. I won't leave everything till the last minute 
4. I will help others

I haven't looked at the booklets yet...

This may sound like an excuse but I feel like it comes from a lack of confidence, when I feel like I won't be able to do something instead of trying I won't try at all, or I'll put very little effort in so that I prove to myself I can't do it. In a previous blog I mentioned that I don't like to feel as though I am being judged so because I convince myself I'm going to look silly in front of others I won't take part in the activity. I find myself standing watching the people around me having fun while I stand on the side lines wishing I was joining them. 
It's a strange way of thinking but sadly it's become my way of thinking. 

Hopefully with this course and this blog I can get out of thinking this way. 
Don't let me give up...please.

Much love
Beth x

p.s While writing this I realise I'm just lazy!
p.p.s To leave a comment select the name/url option in the drop down. 

Comments

  1. You are right, it's all about confidence and inner strength.
    But I think you are selling yourself short there babe. You are writing a blog about yourself, your thoughts, fears and inner turmoil. If that isn't a strong, confident woman, then blow me, what is?
    You are amazing x x ļæ½ļæ½

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My letter to MND

22. Dear you, I want to start off by saying I don't like you. From the day we have met all you have done is cause pain, you have caused misery! That is all you do for everyone you meet. You find them at their best and demolish their whole being. You break them down to the point where there is no fight left, but they will fight you until the very end knowing they will never win. One day they will win, one day we will all break YOU down so you're not here any more. None of us like you, but you bring us all closer together. You make us realise that we can't go on just floating by, you make us realise that time is the most precious thing any one in the world has got! And with that precious time we have to make as many wonderful memories possible, we have to tackle all the hurdles you throw at us so that you know we will stick together and fight you. I have the displeasure of knowing you, so many others have the displeasure of living  with you. For those I can't i...

Arsenal, Tears and Happiness!

26. We meet again my loves, how ya diddling? I'm good, I have two weeks off work now :D nothing major is planned...oh wait HARRY POTTER STUDIOS and bonfire night, I love bonfire night, the magic of the fireworks and sparklers is just so beautiful. I will definitely try and get some pictures of the fireworks and sparklers of the bonfire I'm planning on going too.  Is it just in the UK we celebrate bonfire night?  I'm currently listening Marmozets - Captivate You, I've heard this band quite a lot on Kerrang radio and just love this song, it gets me bouncing around in my seat. I downloaded their album and it's pretty belting I have to say! It was on repeat everyday this past week on the bus, a definite boost before work.  I don't know if I told you guys that my Dads best friend, Steve, contacted Arsenal (my Dad is obsessed) and explained his situation and how much he loves the team and always has done, and they wrote him back to say they would send Dad...

End of an era

 10 years...10 long but very fast years!! Okay, I admit, I'm late to the 10 year blog anniversary, like 7 months late haha but I've been busy. I can't quite believe I started writing on here over 10 years ago. About my Dad, who has now been gone 10 years as of only a few days ago! Which is mental. This pocket of space helped me a lot back then, and it continued to help a little while after but it's definitely time for me to say goodbye to this space now. It served me well back then, but like we all do, I've grown and found other things now that suit me better. You see, I couldn't express in real life how I felt back then, what I was dealing with watching my Dad with MND. So this was my voice. Then I realised oh wow I can say a lot of things here that I can't express due to fear or embarrassment and general learning things about myself etc. Who knew writing a few words on a few posts could help heal so many broken pieces. I'll always be pretty grateful fo...