Skip to main content

Can I change?

8.

Hello my loves. Please take a few minutes out of your lives to listen to Beautiful Tragedy by Mike Dignam, it's truly amazing I don't think you would regret listening to it. I'm seriously going to have to write a blog about all of my favourite songs, well only if you'd like me too?

I'm currently sitting here wearing my glasses that I'm so desperately trying to get used too but my head hurts so I'm taking the annoying things off! 

Right then, it has literally taken me so many attempts to write this blog, the subject matter has changed each time but I've settled on what I'm writing about now so I will get on with it :)

MOTIVATION! I possibly have zero motivation! I know it's bad and yes I'm ashamed but for some reason I can not fibre up the energy to be motivated when doing things. Are any of you like this? 
I don't know where it stems from but I've been like this for most of my life. I go through phases of telling myself I will stick to things such as exercising, losing weight, studying etc but I never do, I get distracted (I'm getting distracted right now) and I just don't know how to stop myself from being like this!! HELP ME

My continuous lack of motivation during school, college and now my early adulthood (at the tender age of 23) I have no clue what to do with my life. I see what others my age are doing now and I can't help feeling inadequate. I seem to have no idea what I'm doing, I've got myself into a routine that I want to change but can't be bothered too, I'm too scared too. 
HOWEVER I have recently signed up to do a Dementia Care course, seeing the path life has taken my dad down, I want to understand more about Dementia and MND. I have to complete the course in around 14 weeks I believe so there's four things I'm hoping for...

1. I can complete the course in the allotted time so I don't get a fine  
2. The course will open my mind to a possible career path
3. I won't leave everything till the last minute 
4. I will help others

I haven't looked at the booklets yet...

This may sound like an excuse but I feel like it comes from a lack of confidence, when I feel like I won't be able to do something instead of trying I won't try at all, or I'll put very little effort in so that I prove to myself I can't do it. In a previous blog I mentioned that I don't like to feel as though I am being judged so because I convince myself I'm going to look silly in front of others I won't take part in the activity. I find myself standing watching the people around me having fun while I stand on the side lines wishing I was joining them. 
It's a strange way of thinking but sadly it's become my way of thinking. 

Hopefully with this course and this blog I can get out of thinking this way. 
Don't let me give up...please.

Much love
Beth x

p.s While writing this I realise I'm just lazy!
p.p.s To leave a comment select the name/url option in the drop down. 

Comments

  1. You are right, it's all about confidence and inner strength.
    But I think you are selling yourself short there babe. You are writing a blog about yourself, your thoughts, fears and inner turmoil. If that isn't a strong, confident woman, then blow me, what is?
    You are amazing x x ��

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

In difficulty there is strength and laughter

53. Hello my loves... This may seem like a very strange time, some may think I shouldn't write at all right now but as I'm just sat here, waiting, I feel I should (plus I've been given permission from my sister Kellie and Rob) On Wednesday 4th February, which seems like a lifetime ago, I got a phone call to say things with Dad had took a turn and we all needed to get to the home as time was looking short. I can't explain the fear that was going through me. The panic was so strong I was physically shaking until i got to the home to see him.  I had no idea what to expect, what had happened or what was going to happen, I just had to go with it. I guess we all do when faced with these extremes.  I have to admit I was pretty shocked to see that once the sedation had worn off he was back to his smiley self, even dancing along to the music.  But we knew it was serious when they said he was now completely nill by mouth, no food, no liquid.  An influx of...

My letter to MND

22. Dear you, I want to start off by saying I don't like you. From the day we have met all you have done is cause pain, you have caused misery! That is all you do for everyone you meet. You find them at their best and demolish their whole being. You break them down to the point where there is no fight left, but they will fight you until the very end knowing they will never win. One day they will win, one day we will all break YOU down so you're not here any more. None of us like you, but you bring us all closer together. You make us realise that we can't go on just floating by, you make us realise that time is the most precious thing any one in the world has got! And with that precious time we have to make as many wonderful memories possible, we have to tackle all the hurdles you throw at us so that you know we will stick together and fight you. I have the displeasure of knowing you, so many others have the displeasure of living  with you. For those I can't i...

This may upset you...

50. Hello my loves. WOW we've made it to the fiftieth blog post, if you're reading this one and you've read all of the ones before, thank you for sticking with me and my public diary entries. If you are new to my posts then Hello and welcome to my life, my little world of, well, I'm not to sure...this. I'm listening and watching Sia - Elastic Heart, I absolutely love this song and I love the video! It's so incredibly powerful , I watch it without knowing what it is that is keeping me so drawn to it (maybe Shia's body...) but seriously please go and watch it, don't read the comments of the video if it's the first time you're watching it and let me know what you believe it is portraying. I won't tell you what I believe because I don't want my view to alter what you may initially feel.      I feel like it might be a good time to update you guys on my Dad. By the way, everything I write is solely my feelings and from my point of vie...