Bethlett .

125 . Well...Millie Rose Howlett arrived! The little miss was born at 16:22 on Wednesday 14th June 2017 weighing a solid 8lbs exact! And my god what a quick arrival she made!! Let's start from the beginning shall we? So on the Monday I woke up at half past 5 in the morning with pains in my thighs, I wondered if they were the beginning of labour but I held off calling the hospital because they were bearable and didn't have any routine to them plus I was seeing the midwife that morning for my second sweep so I really hoped she was going to say that it was starting...she said the opposite! She said nothing was happening, I still had a very long way to go and I'd more than likely be induced as I was 8 days over by this point anyway. After that appointment the pains stopped so I was sat thinking GREAT (in a very sarcastic fed up tone) but then they started again that afternoon stronger than the morning but still bearable. I did get my mum to come to my house because we ...

124 . I'm scared, maybe even the verge of being terrified. Am I wrong for feeling scared? For feeling completely out of my depth already? For even questioning if we should have done this? I feel guilty that I have that questioning, is it normal?  I'm 40 weeks and 1 day over, baby girl still isn't here, she's not even showing any desire to say hello and I'm already scared, terrified even. You'll read this and maybe judge me, wonder how could I be so naive to think it's all going to be easy. Well I haven't, I know it's going to be hard work, I know our lives are about to change forever but 9 months ago I had time to ignore the enormity of it all. Now we are days away, literally every second of everyday could be the second it all starts. That's daunting!!  I try not to expect I'm going to know what I'm doing when she's here but at the same time I don't want to look or feel useless, a failure. Everyone judges, but I don...

123 . So in a couple of hours or whenever you read this I have just entered my 35th week of pregnancy. Oh boy it's getting close now!! The third trimester has been my worst so far I think. I don't want to complain or moan because I know how truly blessed I am to be in this position however it's been tough!  I had always heard that when you get near the end you are just willing it along, and I always thought 'why?' Well for me I can't handle the stress I'm feeling and the horrendous mood I seem to always be in. I literally can not control it! I'm not a stressed person, I'm not an angry person (apart from when I'm tired) so these feelings are just very hard for me to deal with. I know I'm being a bitch but I can't stop it. I want to be my old chilled out self again!!!  I think what it is, is, I'm nesting, I want a list as long as my arm done and I want it done now! We've had our bathroom redecorated and that was the...

122 . Week 26 and the third trimester is slowly creeping up!! Meaning baby girl isn't far away from making her dramatic entrance!!  There's just a few things I want to talk about. Pregnancy is a very exciting time but there are annoyances... I LOVE when she kicks, absolutely love it, however, there are times of the day and places in my body where her kicks aren't as appreciated. These being while I'm trying to get to sleep and her kicks that feel so low down I could almost shake her hands and feet! Oo they are uncomfortable kicks I tell ya! And when these types of kicks happen at the time I'm trying to drift off, well, it's just ANNOYING haha.  I love when she kicks me during the day, it's like a little hello every now and again, they kinda make me realise that I have this beautiful human growing inside of me yet it feels so bizarre. Something I wouldn't know how to explain. Occasionally when she's kicking my belly looks like it's d...

121 . So I'm currently 24 weeks and 4 days! Time is flying by. I feel like I've only been pregnant for 2 minutes and now we're not too far from the end result...our baby!  How is the second trimester going you ask? So far so good, there are changes that I'm noticing more and more but no matter how uncomfortable some may be I'm feeling really good. In my last post I wrote about how I was poorly, well touch wood I'm finally better, the double ear infection turned into tonsillitis, an illness I've not had since I was a kid! Another dose of 250mg antibiotics and I was soon back to myself only for a day to go by and my throat felt like razor blades again so another trip to the Drs. He refused me anymore antibiotics which I was so happy about to be honest and slowly each day it hurt less and less woohoo!! So I guess that's a change, a low immune system, as long as baby is okay I don't care, baby is life, colds and bugs and stuff are temporary.  What ...

I 120 . It's 2017, I'm currently lied on the sofa watching Tipping Point whilst fighting an awful cold and a double ear infection. They say, start as you mean to go on but I do not want 12 months of illnesses thank you very much!!!  I haven't written in a long time so you have no idea what is going on in my life, well....IM PREGNANT, currently mid way through my 18th week. My belly is growing, I'm feeling flickers and I'm truly happy.  The first trimester was not fun!! I didn't suffer with morning sickness but I did suffer from a complete lack of appetite, so much so I almost lost a stone in weight. Weight that I haven't yet gained back. I'm quite enjoying seeing and being able to feel my cheek bones for the first time ever if I'm totally honest with you but I'm aware it will be short lived as the pounds will soon be piling on.  So you might read that and think 'you said it wasn't fun? What happened?' Well I'll tell ya! WA...

119 . From time to time I go quiet. I'm not purposely being rude or ignoring people I just go quiet. It's like I don't have the thoughts for a fluid conversation. I seem to become comfortable with no thoughts at all.  I would say I have always been a loner, this used to bother me but now I kinda enjoy it. I enjoy my own space, being silent for a while. It doesn't mean anything is wrong it just means I'm, well I don't know what it means really.  I guess I often fight a thought in my head that tells me relationships are difficult to maintain, too much work, when really they aren't at all. I'm very capable of keeping relationships going, that shows with Rob, family and a small handful of friends. I wonder if I think this because the longer someone sticks around for the less I can pretend I'm an outgoing funny person. Like I said I'm really quite quiet and I have a lot of deep thoughts.  I sometimes think that part of the reaso...