Skip to main content

WARNING - very honest

74.

Pre warning don't read this if you don't want to read something written by someone wallowing in self pity!! 



I have moments,moments of happiness and then boom the moment goes away and what's left is a 25 year old girl who drowns herself in self doubt, insecurity and on the verge of loathing oneself. Today, Tuesday 8th September 2015, I am unfortunately this version of myself! 

I watched a video today by the YouTuber Hazel Hayes and at the end of her video she spoke about how while editing her video she watched herself in happy times unaware of what was about to happen in her life (she never mentioned what had happened btw) and I couldn't help think back to February and the months before that and how blissfully unaware I was to one of the most dramatic events that will happen in my lifetime, and how that event was getting closer and closer to happening. And it made me sad!! 

We take what we have for granted, everyday we take life for granted! Sometimes I wish for life to hurry up, I'm not gonna lie I've had moments of my life when I've wished it didn't exist. I couldn't see past difficulties. I think for a period of time I lost myself. I wasn't a good person to be around because I felt so low. I had become a shadow of myself. And when I feel like how I have done today it's like that part of me is itching to rear it's ugly head again. 

 What I didn't realise was that everyday was building me up to be someone, to be me! I still take life for granted, not purposely but because that's just what we as humans do! There's too much going on everyday to sit back and cherish every second that goes by. It seems that we only realise what we have and who we are when something has been taken from us or almost taken from us. 

My confidence has been knocked today, again. And that's why I'm feeling so low. We have to sell ourselves on paper, well on a computer screen without being seen in person and each time I try I fail. Yeah on paper I maybe don't seem the perfect 'fit' but if I had a chance to be seen face to face maybe I'd be able to sell myself better. I feel like I'm not good enough for different things. I feel like I'm never going to get an opportunity to grow! 

I think for today I am going to wallow, I'm going to let myself feel sorry for myself because it's what my emotions want to feel. I'll hold my head higher tomorrow...hopefully.

Much love
Beth xxx

To leave a comment select the name/URL option in the drop down menu. 
Labels:

Comments

  1. Unknown08 September, 2015 19:29

    This is so true, I feel the same way sometimes. Hope you feel better tomorrow xx
    http://lipsticksandlavender.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My letter to MND

22. Dear you, I want to start off by saying I don't like you. From the day we have met all you have done is cause pain, you have caused misery! That is all you do for everyone you meet. You find them at their best and demolish their whole being. You break them down to the point where there is no fight left, but they will fight you until the very end knowing they will never win. One day they will win, one day we will all break YOU down so you're not here any more. None of us like you, but you bring us all closer together. You make us realise that we can't go on just floating by, you make us realise that time is the most precious thing any one in the world has got! And with that precious time we have to make as many wonderful memories possible, we have to tackle all the hurdles you throw at us so that you know we will stick together and fight you. I have the displeasure of knowing you, so many others have the displeasure of living  with you. For those I can't i...
9 comments
Read more

Arsenal, Tears and Happiness!

26. We meet again my loves, how ya diddling? I'm good, I have two weeks off work now :D nothing major is planned...oh wait HARRY POTTER STUDIOS and bonfire night, I love bonfire night, the magic of the fireworks and sparklers is just so beautiful. I will definitely try and get some pictures of the fireworks and sparklers of the bonfire I'm planning on going too.  Is it just in the UK we celebrate bonfire night?  I'm currently listening Marmozets - Captivate You, I've heard this band quite a lot on Kerrang radio and just love this song, it gets me bouncing around in my seat. I downloaded their album and it's pretty belting I have to say! It was on repeat everyday this past week on the bus, a definite boost before work.  I don't know if I told you guys that my Dads best friend, Steve, contacted Arsenal (my Dad is obsessed) and explained his situation and how much he loves the team and always has done, and they wrote him back to say they would send Dad...
11 comments
Read more

This may upset you...

50. Hello my loves. WOW we've made it to the fiftieth blog post, if you're reading this one and you've read all of the ones before, thank you for sticking with me and my public diary entries. If you are new to my posts then Hello and welcome to my life, my little world of, well, I'm not to sure...this. I'm listening and watching Sia - Elastic Heart, I absolutely love this song and I love the video! It's so incredibly powerful , I watch it without knowing what it is that is keeping me so drawn to it (maybe Shia's body...) but seriously please go and watch it, don't read the comments of the video if it's the first time you're watching it and let me know what you believe it is portraying. I won't tell you what I believe because I don't want my view to alter what you may initially feel.      I feel like it might be a good time to update you guys on my Dad. By the way, everything I write is solely my feelings and from my point of vie...
10 comments
Read more