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WARNING - very honest

74.

Pre warning don't read this if you don't want to read something written by someone wallowing in self pity!! 



I have moments,moments of happiness and then boom the moment goes away and what's left is a 25 year old girl who drowns herself in self doubt, insecurity and on the verge of loathing oneself. Today, Tuesday 8th September 2015, I am unfortunately this version of myself! 

I watched a video today by the YouTuber Hazel Hayes and at the end of her video she spoke about how while editing her video she watched herself in happy times unaware of what was about to happen in her life (she never mentioned what had happened btw) and I couldn't help think back to February and the months before that and how blissfully unaware I was to one of the most dramatic events that will happen in my lifetime, and how that event was getting closer and closer to happening. And it made me sad!! 

We take what we have for granted, everyday we take life for granted! Sometimes I wish for life to hurry up, I'm not gonna lie I've had moments of my life when I've wished it didn't exist. I couldn't see past difficulties. I think for a period of time I lost myself. I wasn't a good person to be around because I felt so low. I had become a shadow of myself. And when I feel like how I have done today it's like that part of me is itching to rear it's ugly head again. 

 What I didn't realise was that everyday was building me up to be someone, to be me! I still take life for granted, not purposely but because that's just what we as humans do! There's too much going on everyday to sit back and cherish every second that goes by. It seems that we only realise what we have and who we are when something has been taken from us or almost taken from us. 

My confidence has been knocked today, again. And that's why I'm feeling so low. We have to sell ourselves on paper, well on a computer screen without being seen in person and each time I try I fail. Yeah on paper I maybe don't seem the perfect 'fit' but if I had a chance to be seen face to face maybe I'd be able to sell myself better. I feel like I'm not good enough for different things. I feel like I'm never going to get an opportunity to grow! 

I think for today I am going to wallow, I'm going to let myself feel sorry for myself because it's what my emotions want to feel. I'll hold my head higher tomorrow...hopefully.

Much love
Beth xxx

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  1. Unknown08 September, 2015 19:29

    This is so true, I feel the same way sometimes. Hope you feel better tomorrow xx
    http://lipsticksandlavender.blogspot.co.uk/

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