Skip to main content

Goodbye November

39.



Dear November

We've struggled this month, we haven't been the best combo. During your month November I've been in quite a bad place, I've spent a lot of your days in tears. It's not your fault, I think sometimes when a person tries so hard to keep it together they need some time to let all those horrible emotions out.

I put a lot of pressure on myself in November, I let the thoughts and opinions of others change those of my own which I believed in, and I shouldn't have allowed that. In some moments I felt backed into a corner by guilt. But I shouldn't feel guilt over situations that can't be changed. I had moments of feeling not listened  too, a feeling that keeps nesting in my brain. I've either wanted to scream at people or go and hide from everyone, both of which have negative consequences.

Reflecting back on the weeks throughout you November I can see now how much my negative thoughts overwhelmed me, BOY they overwhelmed me and I feel that I will have to keep battling them during December. I haven't felt that low in a very long time and I haven't felt like I've had to pretend to be happy to so many people before. I hate knowing how much I let things get to me when I really shouldn't have.   

You weren't all bad though, we experienced Harry Potter land in Watford, Bonfire night, you brought new friendships. You've given me confidence to keep going with my blog and to be myself with the content I write about. You made me slightly fall in love with One Direction (Rob isn't happy about this) and you gave us I'm a Celebrity, one of my favourite shows. 

Every time I cried I thought I was being weak, I thought I was being stupid but after an incident during last week where tears rolled down my face in a public place without Rob or my Mum being there, I realised that sometimes you just have to cry it out. The people around you who care about you will make sure you are okay and they will understand that in that moment crying is what you have to do. And once you stop you can have a giggle about it. Don't get me wrong, I know not everyone is a crier like I am. 

Writing this in the last hour of November I vow to not let things get to me as much during the weeks of December. I'll be the better version of myself rather than the blubbering mess I was in the 30 days we had together November. 

See you again next year.

           



Much love
Beth xx

Labels

Labels:

Comments

  1. Anonymous01 December, 2014 00:21

    You are an amazing young lady cry when you need to if it makes you feel better heck i cry at Here comes the bride must be that bit of Hinton in us seems we are all sops lots of love from across the pond hugggs and xxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My letter to MND

22. Dear you, I want to start off by saying I don't like you. From the day we have met all you have done is cause pain, you have caused misery! That is all you do for everyone you meet. You find them at their best and demolish their whole being. You break them down to the point where there is no fight left, but they will fight you until the very end knowing they will never win. One day they will win, one day we will all break YOU down so you're not here any more. None of us like you, but you bring us all closer together. You make us realise that we can't go on just floating by, you make us realise that time is the most precious thing any one in the world has got! And with that precious time we have to make as many wonderful memories possible, we have to tackle all the hurdles you throw at us so that you know we will stick together and fight you. I have the displeasure of knowing you, so many others have the displeasure of living  with you. For those I can't i...
9 comments
Read more

Arsenal, Tears and Happiness!

26. We meet again my loves, how ya diddling? I'm good, I have two weeks off work now :D nothing major is planned...oh wait HARRY POTTER STUDIOS and bonfire night, I love bonfire night, the magic of the fireworks and sparklers is just so beautiful. I will definitely try and get some pictures of the fireworks and sparklers of the bonfire I'm planning on going too.  Is it just in the UK we celebrate bonfire night?  I'm currently listening Marmozets - Captivate You, I've heard this band quite a lot on Kerrang radio and just love this song, it gets me bouncing around in my seat. I downloaded their album and it's pretty belting I have to say! It was on repeat everyday this past week on the bus, a definite boost before work.  I don't know if I told you guys that my Dads best friend, Steve, contacted Arsenal (my Dad is obsessed) and explained his situation and how much he loves the team and always has done, and they wrote him back to say they would send Dad...
11 comments
Read more

End of an era

 10 years...10 long but very fast years!! Okay, I admit, I'm late to the 10 year blog anniversary, like 7 months late haha but I've been busy. I can't quite believe I started writing on here over 10 years ago. About my Dad, who has now been gone 10 years as of only a few days ago! Which is mental. This pocket of space helped me a lot back then, and it continued to help a little while after but it's definitely time for me to say goodbye to this space now. It served me well back then, but like we all do, I've grown and found other things now that suit me better. You see, I couldn't express in real life how I felt back then, what I was dealing with watching my Dad with MND. So this was my voice. Then I realised oh wow I can say a lot of things here that I can't express due to fear or embarrassment and general learning things about myself etc. Who knew writing a few words on a few posts could help heal so many broken pieces. I'll always be pretty grateful fo...
2 comments
Read more