Bethlett .

139 . Hi,  Gosh it’s been a while since I’ve wrote about you, it feels like a long time since I’ve spoke about you out loud too. I’m sorry about that. I guess life all of a sudden just starts moving and each day flies by as fast as the next one comes, it doesn’t mean I don’t think about you, or talk to you in my head (crazy I know) because those I do all day long. I have a 10 month old little girl now Dad, she has your auburn hair, a lovely reminder of you even though I’m afraid she looks nothing like us Aboe folk, she’s Robs twin! I say it’s karma because while I was pregnant I would say to him she’d look nothing like him at all because our gene is so strong...more fool me ey?! I also have another baby on the way, it was a shock to us too! But a very happy one at that. He or she is due at the end of September, I wonder if they’ll have your hair too. So much has changed over the last three years, especially this last year. My goodness it’s all different. I’d like to think y...

138 . What a year! The first 6 months where lived by a very angry hormonal mess! I’m pretty sure most people couldn’t wait to get away from me, I had zero tolerance for anything! So during this time we got new carpets and our bathroom redecorated and the second bedroom turned into a nursery, even though all these things were my idea, my goodness they added to the uncontrollable rage I seemed to have developed... Those first 6 months consisted of me wanting to buy every single baby related item I saw, baby scans and test and a belly that grew and grew to the point where I alternated 4 or 5 dresses I had as they where the only things that fit, and when they became too tight I ended up basically living in a maxi dress and pjs! Then June appeared, the month I became a mummy, a long 10 days later than I should have but anyway, 3 days of contractions followed by a 2 hour ‘active’ labour! At 16:22 on June 14th my life forever changed and I became a mummy! Amazing. The ...

137 . Sometimes a crack in the wall will appear  It starts small but over time grows larger Eventually a section will break away Then that section needs to be rebuilt It gets rebuilt onto a fragile structure The new piece is only temporary  How long it remains intact is unknown The crack is  inevitable Sometimes a new crack appears The repairs take even longer The structure more fragile than before Which is to be fixed first? Each brick weighing heavier than the last More repairs needed More and more bricks But the wall refuses to break  The cement becomes thicker with each break The structure gets stronger The cracks never disappear  They add to the beauty of the ever growing wall Beth x

136 . It’s 8:50pm on a Friday night and I’m in bed! Rock and roll! I’m just so tired, the darker evenings make the evenings drag out so my brain is ready for bed at like 6pm.  I just wanted to update you on how things are going. Millie is sleeping through the night. Woohoo!! It’s something I’m cherishing and not taking for granted as I know it can all change instantly! I don’t feel like I have a routine, my routine is a none routine kinda routine. But it works, she’s happy and we’re happy so all is good! I sometimes doubt myself or feel like I’m a bad Mum when I talk to other mums who have solid routines, but then what I do I’m content with so I won’t fight with it.  I’m trying to teach her how to sit up, it’s not going well. She’s a strong girl but just not strong enough yet to hold herself up sitting. She’ll get there, I reckon in a few weeks we will be there and loving it!  This week I’ve pushed myself a bit, I went to the playgroup on Tuesday morning, I hated ...

135 . So thank fluff it’s Friday!!! This week has felt like a very long one. I’ve had zero baby free time and the husband has worked late a couple of nights and been to the cinema so I haven’t had that chill time I can usually get. (This is no poor me poor me btw!) Anyway! This week I took the little Miss for her 4 month check with the health visitor. I wasn’t worried about it I just wanted to get it done with.  So she was asking me about Millie etc and she’s doing really well so that was good. I told her I can’t cook so weaning will be interesting and she asked me if I knew how to peel a carrot *insert eye roll here* I quickly told her I’m no imbecile to which she apologised for being patronising. I was rather shocked myself with how quickly I snapped back, and that I even snapped back at all to be honest. Anyway, She wanted to know about me, how my body is recovering etc etc and then she asked if I was lonely, I lied...I said I wasn’t, but of course I am because everyon...

134 .  This was me nearly 10 years ago. I thought I was fat... Only now do I see how much time I wasted being concerned about the opinion of others regarding my size. Yes I was the biggest girl in my classes in primary and secondary school and when I got to year 11 I had had enough of feeling huge. I would eat breakfast, eat nothing all day at school, then eat tea and that would be it. I continued this pattern until I was 17. All because I felt so fat! Now I think, sheesh I spent most of my days hungry because I was so anxious to eat in front of others because I worried about their judgement, when I shouldn't have cared!  Now at 27 years of age, I'm still fat, I'm not going to spend my days hungry because what's the point? My size should be no ones concern but mine. Yes I'd love to lose weight but I'm lazy as hell and I hate salad! Shoot me. I'm happy, I'm content, and I'll do something about it when I'm ready. As most of you kno...

133 . Many times I wished for a different life I've wished to be another girl The skinny one, the pretty one, the popular one, The all of the above one  I wished to live in their big houses With the nice cars With lots of money I wished for their everyday Then I've seen traits I don't quite agree with Friends who don't seem genuine  A happiness that doesn't seem true I've realised that if I was them I wouldn't have my morals  My memories  The core that makes me, me I wouldn't have or even know my husband, my child or even my cats  I wouldn't know my parents, my siblings, or anyone familiar  I wouldn't have those and the things that make me who I am  I wouldn't be happy  So I may have wished to be many others  Others who aren't me I'm very happy those wishes won't come true As I only ever want to be, me   Xx