One Year

65.

Hello my loves, it's been awhile hasn't it? Nothing exciting has been happening to be honest, I've just been quiet. You know by now I have these lulls from time to time.

I realised the other day that ive been writing to you all for a whole year now!! Can you believe it? I can't! It's gone by so quickly, a little too quick. Can I reflect on the year please? Thank you I will...

I started writing to you with the intention of over coming fears, creating a bucket list and ticking the list off as I defined the odds and smashed through my comfort zone. That was my intention. The reality is, my fears only grew and no list was created and nothing was ticked off. Instead writing to you became my platform to empty the mess inside of  my head and basically writing to you stopped me from becoming insane. 

I think we all have moments where my minds become a little fuzzy, a little bit too much is happening to juggle. I've had many moments like that in this past year you and I have been chatting. So many things I wish I could have said out loud, anger, hurt, happiness all the emotions really. But saying them out loud was near on impossible, writing to you has been easy, I haven't seen your reaction when you've read the words like I would have if I said them out loud. I've not had to explain or justify it because I wrote it as clearly as I could and you haven't felt obliged to help in some way like you would have if id said the things out loud. By writing you were helping, you helped because the fuzzy mess was no longer stuck inside my fuzzy mind. 

I ended up documenting the decline in my dads health, I uploaded pictures for you all to see. I shoved MND in your face for a while so that I could try somehow to get others to understand what it was like. Because just hearing the name of the illness wasn't enough for me, I wanted to be blunt about what the changes where and what was happening so that maybe, hopefully it could have done some good. 

I wrote to you at the worst time in my life, in the final days I had with my Dad, and I wrote to you after expressing my grief and how it made my mind that extra bit more fuzzy. 

But I also expressed good times that happened this past year, great days out, buying a house, 50 random facts about myself and I even showed you how I do my make up. 

My intention when I started this blog was completely different to what my blog has become. I may not have hundreds of followers on bloglovin or hundreds of thousands of views (we're almost at 15,000) but I enjoy what I write about, I enjoy reaching into the fuzziness of my brain to hopefully encourage others on how not to be like me haha how to not put limitations on yourself. I really should follow my own advice. I desperately want this place, this little Beth sized (which is quite large) place in the internet world to be a place people can turn too and feel encouragement and maybe a cyber awkward hug :) 

Thank you for being with me for this year, thanks for helping me. And remember this...

Much love,

Beth xxx 

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