Awareness Month

109.

I started my blog with the intention of building my self confidence, I wanted to put together a bucket list and slowly but surely cross each one off. I wanted to build myself up as a person, have stories to tell. It soon became apparent that my blog was destined for other things, I tried the popular blogger stuff of makeup tutorials etc but quite frankly, I'm much better putting makeup on rather than sitting and typing about my favourite products, it's much more fun that way.

I soon realised the purpose of my blog was to give attention to the little voice in my head. The voice that over the years has hurt my confidence and self esteem. By giving it a platform I was able to release it all together. I now can see that I didn't need a bucket list to change me or build me back up, I just needed to quieten that voice by getting rid of it at dark times. 

That being said, the darkest time so far, the illness and heartbreaking passing of my dear dad. Never would I have thought that my words, my thoughts, at that time would now be viewed around the world and that I would be asked if they could be used in a national campaign for MND. An incredible honour. 

Throughout the month of June, a post I wrote over a year ago now, was published each day. A sort of time line of my Dads decline and much too soon death. All my feelings from that time that I had almost forgotten really, rush back each day when a new one gets uploaded. I must admit, I don't read them as they are me, I read them as someone else. Someone I just happen to understand completely. Crazy really. If I'm completely honest, there's so much I NEVER wrote. Things I always wanted to keep quiet for the dignity of my Dad. 💜

It's now been two years since I started writing. I'm almost 26 and I'm a different person. I'm different but somewhat the same as well. I guess I now understand myself better. Before writing I didn't realise the power of anxiety or mental health, I couldn't understand what the reason was when I chose to say no to everything. Writing is slowly giving me courage to start saying yes to things. I started my driving lessons this year, something I swore never to do. I retook my Maths GSCE in the hopes of a brighter future. And I only hope to strengthen myself more as time goes by. 

Quite amazing what typing the words of that little voice can do.

Thank you MND for contacting me and for wanting to use my posts. I feel so proud of my big self for putting them out there in the first place. I only hope and wish they somehow help someone, anyone. 

Very much love,

Beth xx

bethsblog90@gmail.com