107.
Do you ever feel like you're screaming but there's no noise? It's raining but no one gets wet? And everything happens at once but nothing happens at all?
You sit on the edge of your bed holding your head, your hands sometimes feel like the only thing keeping your head high. The rest of the body just wants to be like a pile of clothes on the floor messy and serving no purpose. But there.
Each day is your battle, winning is making it to bedtime. Each day fighting to survive. That's what life is isn't it? A fight? Sometimes against others but mainly against yourself? Yes?...No?
Your brain gets fuzzy, your body gets tense, your thoughts get chaotic, your voice is loud but as quiet as a mouse. Your mind is always catching up or racing far ahead. It never understands.
You feel like standing in a empty room and letting your body go mental, like those intense singers in bands who let it all go, sometimes...most times that's what you need to do.
Do you ever want to leave? Get in a car just to drive with no destination. Do you ever want to open the door and walk, walk with no reason, no purpose, you just want to walk? But then you realise stuff holds you back, that stuff keeps you here. It keeps you here so you have a purpose, you have a reason. Sometimes it's not so easy to leave. Sometimes you can't leave at all...sometimes you just want to be felt...
bethsblog90@gmail.com
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