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Hello Old Friend...

103.

Hello old friend...let's face it, you never really go away do you? 

You seem to have appeared again today. Something I wasn't expecting. Why do you sit in the background for so long? Why do you just appear? When are you going to leave me alone?

I have an illness that can't be seen I have an illness some people don't believe, something that makes me crumble, makes me sad and makes me want to run away. But I can't run, because you follow me old friend. 

Why do you create a storm in my brain? I feel like you laugh while you do it. You know the results of your presence and you love to carry on...I hate it.

You make me so weak. You've took and you continue to take my life. The things I enjoy, you've replaced them with crippling fear. A fear of something so irrational it makes others laugh. Sometimes I laugh about it to myself, I laugh at how stupid it is. But you won't let me forget it. You don't let me think straight, my tornado brain is a joke to you. 

Old friend why do you want me all to yourself? You've let me push so many away. You make me think of excuses so I don't have to meet anyone. Why do you want me locked in myself? What are you getting out of it? Do you want to break me completely? Do you want those silly thoughts back I had a long time ago? I won't let that happen. I won't let you win. 

I have to find my strength again. I have to show you who's in control...me and only me. I just don't know how to do it. I don't know how to make others understand fully. I don't know how to lock you away. Or even at arms length. 

The truth is old friend, you're not my friend at all...






bethsblog90@gmail.com

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