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I don't fear life, I fear lack of control

64.

I guess we never really have a path in life, nothing is as easy as we want to be and sometimes not worth all the effort we put into it. Life is a complete mind fuck but it's bloody amazing. 

We dream of big things, the dream house, the perfect wedding the perfect prince or princess but those pictures in our minds are fabricated and blown way way over the top. One day we realise that the little house we live in with the annoying person we share it with is our dream come true. That is our little bubble of 'perfect' because it's completely and utterly imperfect and we'd change so much but really deep down, we probably wouldn't change a thing. 

Life is ultimately a mine field, we constantly tread carefully because we don't want it to blow up. But life does blow up, we blow up. We need those explosive moments we avoid to happen so that we have something to learn from, something to pass on to others as words of advise; little tiny snippets of our chaos to let others know that their little bundles of chaos are normal, they are fine. We are fine. 

I'm scared of things, I'm scared of life and some days the scariness is almost over whelming but what is it I'm actually scared of? Why am I so scared of it? 'It' being life of course. I'll tell you why, because I'm not in control of it all, I can only control my actions, sometimes they are a little too controlled, actually sod that they are always too controlled and that can only tarnish my experiences, my learning. I need to Let go of the control sometimes, throw myself into being uncomfortable and if throwing myself into it is too much then I need to dip my toes in. Why not? It's crazy really because I panic and worry about tiny things, silly things yet when I'm faced with REAL issues, super duper hit you in the face issues, I deal with it, I get on with it. How many of you do that? It's as though I fear fun. I fear being my true honest self incase that's rejected, incase people don't get it but what is there to 'get'? I'm just being me. And any of you who may feel the same, you're just you so just be you. 

Everyday has the ability to be hard but just go with it, everyday ends the same anyway, with a new beginning waiting.

Much love
Beth xxx 



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