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What The Hell Is Wrong With Me??

127.

Now, this isn't a feeling sorry for myself post (although depending how it goes it may seem that way) or a post to make you feel sorry for me. This is a what the fuck is going on with my hormones type of post!!

I am angry, like all the time angry. I know it's tiredness related because I am a total bitch when I'm tired. Anyone who knows me well knows that's the truth. So at the moment this bitch side of me is no longer a side, it's a full on overhaul! 

I'm thinking that hormones is probably a big factor in this too to be honest. Let me tell you why...

Not only am I angry all the time, I'm also having a battle with jealousy. 

This is going to sound so bonkers and ridiculous I can already hear your laughter, however. Our baby girl Millie is Robs double, literally his twin! Eyes, nose, mouth even the shape of her forehead is all Rob, this makes me green with jealousy. When I was pregnant I stupidly thought she would look like me and my side of the family because it's a strong gene but nope, that hasn't happened. Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with her looking like Rob, she's beautiful. But to me I so desperately wanted her to represent the Aboe side because of my dad. Because he's passed away he obviously will never meet her, and because I miss him so much I really wanted her to have a glimpse of him. Which sadly, she doesn't right now. Selfish really isn't it? 

I get so jealous when people comment on how much she looks like Rob, I've stupidly cried over it numerous times. Urgh HORMONES. 

Has anyone else experienced this feeling after giving birth? Or am I just a fruit loop? 

I'm also stupidly jealous that Rob sleeps at night time. It's only right for me to do the feeds because he's working but my god, during the middle of the night whilst I'm feeding Millie feeling as though I need to hold my eyes open, I look over at Rob to see him happily in dreamland I want to deliberately wake him up just so he can feel the exhaustion I'm feeling in that very moment. Selfish again, I know. 

Again has anyone else felt this??

I know that soon Millie will hopefully have longer periods of sleep during the night and may eventually drop her night feed and when that time comes I'll probably have something new to complain about but sheesh, I'd love a solid 5 hours right now! 

So in conclusion, the tiredness makes me angry all the time, it also makes me ridiculously jealous over stupid things which then in turn makes me more angry. And I'm angry at myself for feeling this way. Hormones?? I think so, they are a raging bastard! 



Goooooodnight
Beth x 
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  1. Anonymous10 July, 2017 07:13

    It gets easier I promise, both my kids looked like their dad now my youngest is a little bit like me, hormones are a bitch and so is tiredness but soon you will feel like you again x

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