What Writing Means To Me

83.

It's strange how I sit here and write whatever my brain creates in the moment of writing to possibly absolutely no one. These posts reach an empty space on the Internet and who knows if people read them each time I press publish or whether people think 'not another one' and turn away from them. 

I have zero plans for direction when I write, the words seem to just appear on the screen. It's probably obvious that this is my style of writing isn't it? My thoughts change route as I type. All I know is that something is in my mind and it wants to leave. It doesn't want to stick around. It niggles at me until I type words to release them from the empty space that's my mind. I don't know if people take the words on board, I don't know if people can relate. I get very little feedback. But that doesn't bother me. I don't write for feedback. I write because the words want to be gone. 

Writing is my escape from life, it's my pocket of comfort where I can express my true feelings and then forget all about them. As a 25 year old I have normal life struggles, I have personal battles that I fight everyday. Writing seems to help me because I'm not hiding them, I'm not suppressing them like I do usually. It's like I'm giving the battles a voice, making them human so that I can try to understand them better. That's what writing does.

I wish I wrote when I was younger...

At around 13/14 I started fighting, I just didn't know it. I expressed those fights in other ways, against myself. You see I didn't like myself, things where stressful in other places of my life at that time. It wasn't terrible, jeez it was completely fine compared to what others go through but at that time they were my struggles. Very lonely struggles. If I had wrote then I reckon it would have helped me a lot more than what it does now. I feel it would have helped mould me into a different person possibly a more confident person. But then again, maybe that person would have been a worse version of the person I am now who knows. 

I enjoy writing and I would encourage anyone to write. Having the words on paper you are able to look back at them and see how you where, you can see how far you have developed or just to remember. But also you never have to look at them again. You can write the words, get them out from within your mind and be rid of them for good. They become a distant memory. 

Writing is my healer if I'm completely honest. Nothing and no one understands me more than myself and when I write I'm truly myself, I'm giving all the parts of me to a blank screen in that empty space of the Internet where others can visit if they want to or not. 

That's what writing means to me. 

Much love 

B xx

Any questions just ask. I'm thinking of making December a honesty month. Each post raw and honest. What you think?