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Can I change?

8.

Hello my loves. Please take a few minutes out of your lives to listen to Beautiful Tragedy by Mike Dignam, it's truly amazing I don't think you would regret listening to it. I'm seriously going to have to write a blog about all of my favourite songs, well only if you'd like me too?

I'm currently sitting here wearing my glasses that I'm so desperately trying to get used too but my head hurts so I'm taking the annoying things off! 

Right then, it has literally taken me so many attempts to write this blog, the subject matter has changed each time but I've settled on what I'm writing about now so I will get on with it :)

MOTIVATION! I possibly have zero motivation! I know it's bad and yes I'm ashamed but for some reason I can not fibre up the energy to be motivated when doing things. Are any of you like this? 
I don't know where it stems from but I've been like this for most of my life. I go through phases of telling myself I will stick to things such as exercising, losing weight, studying etc but I never do, I get distracted (I'm getting distracted right now) and I just don't know how to stop myself from being like this!! HELP ME

My continuous lack of motivation during school, college and now my early adulthood (at the tender age of 23) I have no clue what to do with my life. I see what others my age are doing now and I can't help feeling inadequate. I seem to have no idea what I'm doing, I've got myself into a routine that I want to change but can't be bothered too, I'm too scared too. 
HOWEVER I have recently signed up to do a Dementia Care course, seeing the path life has taken my dad down, I want to understand more about Dementia and MND. I have to complete the course in around 14 weeks I believe so there's four things I'm hoping for...

1. I can complete the course in the allotted time so I don't get a fine  
2. The course will open my mind to a possible career path
3. I won't leave everything till the last minute 
4. I will help others

I haven't looked at the booklets yet...

This may sound like an excuse but I feel like it comes from a lack of confidence, when I feel like I won't be able to do something instead of trying I won't try at all, or I'll put very little effort in so that I prove to myself I can't do it. In a previous blog I mentioned that I don't like to feel as though I am being judged so because I convince myself I'm going to look silly in front of others I won't take part in the activity. I find myself standing watching the people around me having fun while I stand on the side lines wishing I was joining them. 
It's a strange way of thinking but sadly it's become my way of thinking. 

Hopefully with this course and this blog I can get out of thinking this way. 
Don't let me give up...please.

Much love
Beth x

p.s While writing this I realise I'm just lazy!
p.p.s To leave a comment select the name/url option in the drop down. 

Comments

  1. You are right, it's all about confidence and inner strength.
    But I think you are selling yourself short there babe. You are writing a blog about yourself, your thoughts, fears and inner turmoil. If that isn't a strong, confident woman, then blow me, what is?
    You are amazing x x ��

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