Bethlett .

143 . I’ve realised this Christmas that it’s such a bitter sweet time! I looked at my 18 month old open her presents with utter amazement and joy whilst I held my 3 month old, and I thought each year the happiness they will feel on this day will grow and grow and that will fill my heart so much. Yet, I felt a sadness, deep in my heart, that I carry everyday but it felt heavier, heavy to the point where over the Christmas days I just wanted to sit and wallow, the smiles felt forced and I felt like I had nothing to say. Silly really. In all honesty I shed a few tears over the Christmas days. Christmas is all about being with family, it’s creating memories with those you love the most so when someone is missing, even if like me, all you got was an early morning phone call, it’s missed more than ever. I couldn’t help thinking how many people find this time of year difficult, how many may find it quite lonely. But at the same time, trying their hardest to be happy.  I hope that if you

142 . I look at my girls and think ‘wow, I’m so lucky’. I admit I have a toddler who drives me crazy at times and a 11 week old who I worry about constantly but they are mine, I grew them, I love them so much. My eldest is learning words all the time, she’s growing into such an independent little being it’s incredible to witness, its shocking at how fast she is developing. I keep thinking about who she’s going to be when she’s older, what is she going to find interesting. I hope she’ll be happy. Then I look at my little fresh one and I can’t believe 11 weeks have passed already, I’m excited for every milestone that she’ll go through, when she learns to sit up, crawl, walk and start saying her first words. I wonder if ‘hiya’ will be her favourite word just like her sister.  I’m blessed. I get sad at times, I’m sad my Dad isn’t here to meet them, hold them and grow a bond with them. I wonder how he would have felt that his youngest child now has two children of her own. You don’t