Bethlett .

106. I recently got asked if my outlook on life has changed since losing my Dad. I struggled to think of an answer. When he passed away my life felt so consumed by the loss and also the emotions I felt building up to the day he passed away, it's hard to think about how I was as a person before it all.  I maybe don't see life differently as such but I see people differently. Before I would be quite narrow minded, black and white. So if someone was acting different to what I classed as 'normal' I would label them weird. I couldn't see a reason behind their actions. But now I see that not everything we see as passers by is concrete information. We have literally no idea what goes on behind closed doors. We don't know other people's struggles. I've learnt to have patience, more respect and more understanding.  Don't get me wrong naturally for a while my thoughts where 'live everyday as your last' etc etc but the way I am, it's no

105. The voice in our minds is the loudest voice we can ever listen too! It's the only voice we hear 24/7. It's the most powerful tool in our minds. That being said why do we mute our external voice? Why do we hold back so much we are bursting to say? Obviously to spare others feelings, and all that jazz but sometimes there are things we are needing to tell someone to help ourselves yet we block it from exiting the place it's building up in.  The power of talking is incredible, we all have certain parts of our lives we want to keep quiet, we try to forget they ever happened. Maybe it hurt, maybe it's so embarrassing we want to forget all about it. Sometimes though our mind does anything in its power to release the words. Even if it's to one person or merely saying the words out loud in an empty room it's as though our mind is able to take a huge sigh of relief once we say it. The power of not talking is also incredible. The lengths some people go to

104. Today I'm having a day where I just want to be sad. The events over the past 2 weeks and the news from Sunday is all starting to hit home I think. Sometimes things happen that we have no control over. We say there must be a reason but we never find out fully what that reason is. I want to mention this because I feel I shouldn't hide from it. I don't want pity, this isn't about that. I feel like I have to process it all, and for me sometimes it's simply writing it down and then I can try and move on, never forget, just continue my life. On Sunday 1st May I found out I had heartbreakingly had a miscarriage. I was 7 weeks. May not seem much but it is everything to me. Before Sunday I had 2 weeks of worry, things seemed off. I got told I had a haematoma but was nothing to worry about, then 3 days after being told that we were told our little peanut, or seahorse as I described it had no heartbeat anymore. Heartbreaking. I have grown through a lot of situat