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Goodbye November

39.



Dear November

We've struggled this month, we haven't been the best combo. During your month November I've been in quite a bad place, I've spent a lot of your days in tears. It's not your fault, I think sometimes when a person tries so hard to keep it together they need some time to let all those horrible emotions out.

I put a lot of pressure on myself in November, I let the thoughts and opinions of others change those of my own which I believed in, and I shouldn't have allowed that. In some moments I felt backed into a corner by guilt. But I shouldn't feel guilt over situations that can't be changed. I had moments of feeling not listened  too, a feeling that keeps nesting in my brain. I've either wanted to scream at people or go and hide from everyone, both of which have negative consequences.

Reflecting back on the weeks throughout you November I can see now how much my negative thoughts overwhelmed me, BOY they overwhelmed me and I feel that I will have to keep battling them during December. I haven't felt that low in a very long time and I haven't felt like I've had to pretend to be happy to so many people before. I hate knowing how much I let things get to me when I really shouldn't have.   

You weren't all bad though, we experienced Harry Potter land in Watford, Bonfire night, you brought new friendships. You've given me confidence to keep going with my blog and to be myself with the content I write about. You made me slightly fall in love with One Direction (Rob isn't happy about this) and you gave us I'm a Celebrity, one of my favourite shows. 

Every time I cried I thought I was being weak, I thought I was being stupid but after an incident during last week where tears rolled down my face in a public place without Rob or my Mum being there, I realised that sometimes you just have to cry it out. The people around you who care about you will make sure you are okay and they will understand that in that moment crying is what you have to do. And once you stop you can have a giggle about it. Don't get me wrong, I know not everyone is a crier like I am. 

Writing this in the last hour of November I vow to not let things get to me as much during the weeks of December. I'll be the better version of myself rather than the blubbering mess I was in the 30 days we had together November. 

See you again next year.

           



Much love
Beth xx

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Comments

  1. Anonymous01 December, 2014 00:21

    You are an amazing young lady cry when you need to if it makes you feel better heck i cry at Here comes the bride must be that bit of Hinton in us seems we are all sops lots of love from across the pond hugggs and xxxxxxx

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