Skip to main content

What The Hell Is Wrong With Me??

127.

Now, this isn't a feeling sorry for myself post (although depending how it goes it may seem that way) or a post to make you feel sorry for me. This is a what the fuck is going on with my hormones type of post!!

I am angry, like all the time angry. I know it's tiredness related because I am a total bitch when I'm tired. Anyone who knows me well knows that's the truth. So at the moment this bitch side of me is no longer a side, it's a full on overhaul! 

I'm thinking that hormones is probably a big factor in this too to be honest. Let me tell you why...

Not only am I angry all the time, I'm also having a battle with jealousy. 

This is going to sound so bonkers and ridiculous I can already hear your laughter, however. Our baby girl Millie is Robs double, literally his twin! Eyes, nose, mouth even the shape of her forehead is all Rob, this makes me green with jealousy. When I was pregnant I stupidly thought she would look like me and my side of the family because it's a strong gene but nope, that hasn't happened. Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with her looking like Rob, she's beautiful. But to me I so desperately wanted her to represent the Aboe side because of my dad. Because he's passed away he obviously will never meet her, and because I miss him so much I really wanted her to have a glimpse of him. Which sadly, she doesn't right now. Selfish really isn't it? 

I get so jealous when people comment on how much she looks like Rob, I've stupidly cried over it numerous times. Urgh HORMONES. 

Has anyone else experienced this feeling after giving birth? Or am I just a fruit loop? 

I'm also stupidly jealous that Rob sleeps at night time. It's only right for me to do the feeds because he's working but my god, during the middle of the night whilst I'm feeding Millie feeling as though I need to hold my eyes open, I look over at Rob to see him happily in dreamland I want to deliberately wake him up just so he can feel the exhaustion I'm feeling in that very moment. Selfish again, I know. 

Again has anyone else felt this??

I know that soon Millie will hopefully have longer periods of sleep during the night and may eventually drop her night feed and when that time comes I'll probably have something new to complain about but sheesh, I'd love a solid 5 hours right now! 

So in conclusion, the tiredness makes me angry all the time, it also makes me ridiculously jealous over stupid things which then in turn makes me more angry. And I'm angry at myself for feeling this way. Hormones?? I think so, they are a raging bastard! 



Goooooodnight
Beth x 
Labels:

Comments

  1. Anonymous10 July, 2017 07:13

    It gets easier I promise, both my kids looked like their dad now my youngest is a little bit like me, hormones are a bitch and so is tiredness but soon you will feel like you again x

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

In difficulty there is strength and laughter

53. Hello my loves... This may seem like a very strange time, some may think I shouldn't write at all right now but as I'm just sat here, waiting, I feel I should (plus I've been given permission from my sister Kellie and Rob) On Wednesday 4th February, which seems like a lifetime ago, I got a phone call to say things with Dad had took a turn and we all needed to get to the home as time was looking short. I can't explain the fear that was going through me. The panic was so strong I was physically shaking until i got to the home to see him.  I had no idea what to expect, what had happened or what was going to happen, I just had to go with it. I guess we all do when faced with these extremes.  I have to admit I was pretty shocked to see that once the sedation had worn off he was back to his smiley self, even dancing along to the music.  But we knew it was serious when they said he was now completely nill by mouth, no food, no liquid.  An influx of...
9 comments
Read more

My letter to MND

22. Dear you, I want to start off by saying I don't like you. From the day we have met all you have done is cause pain, you have caused misery! That is all you do for everyone you meet. You find them at their best and demolish their whole being. You break them down to the point where there is no fight left, but they will fight you until the very end knowing they will never win. One day they will win, one day we will all break YOU down so you're not here any more. None of us like you, but you bring us all closer together. You make us realise that we can't go on just floating by, you make us realise that time is the most precious thing any one in the world has got! And with that precious time we have to make as many wonderful memories possible, we have to tackle all the hurdles you throw at us so that you know we will stick together and fight you. I have the displeasure of knowing you, so many others have the displeasure of living  with you. For those I can't i...
9 comments
Read more

My beautiful Dad

54. Hello my loves, you have followed me journey with my Dad for quite some time now. You my loves have been the ones I've expressed my feelings too when I've been struggling. You've been the ones I have tried to raise awareness with. You've been there for me when I've felt a bit lost. I updated you last week about my Dad and the fight he was continuing to fight even though it was becoming a bit too much of a battle to beat. It breaks my heart to tell you loves that my beautifully brave Dad lost his fight on Friday 13th February. I'm pretty devastated if I'm completely honest with you all. But I'm so immensely proud of his strength and courage, how he fought and boy did he fight , he was truly incredible.  Emotions come over me in waves, today I spent most of the day okay, just plodding along but tonight I've had a huge break down, crying seems to appear from no where. Today we cleared his room out at the home and it just didn't seem real. ...
9 comments
Read more