Skip to main content

Gotta smile through the hard times

51.

 Hello my loves, I know I know, it feels like forever! After my post 50 my mind has been a little bit all over the place...

 Firstly though let me just tell you who I'm listening too, James Bay, he is without a doubt becoming one of my favourite singers! I'm listening to the song Let It Go and NO it's not a cover of that bloody Frozen song! But please please go listen to him, he's slightly beautiful.

 I'm sitting here with my super duper lovely blanket wrapped around me to keep me warm but I find, I don't know if others will as well but I get all snuggled and warm and then all of a sudden I become so uncomfortable I need to move meaning the blanket moves and I become cold again, or I end up needing a wee *giggle*. 

 So, I guess I should explain my absence? Post 50 was pretty intense and open for me to write, giving you all an update on Dad, well a few people told me that it upset them, or it made them cry etc and I felt bad for doing that. I never want what I write to upset people emotionally but I know that the things I write are very honest and personal so for those who read each one I guess it maybe feels like they are living this all with me. So because since that post I have been in a negative place mentally I haven't wanted to write to you my loves, I don't want to seem like a very negative person, it's just at this moment in my life things are cloudy.

 I do have something exciting happening at the moment which is making me see positivity, it's just very stressful, but I will tell you more when it's a definite :D 
:)

 I just had a slight brainwave! This may apply to some of you with any problems you are having. Even though I have something in my life that is truly breaking my heart, makes me cry, makes me angry and frustrated it is also filling my life with love, support, memories and strength. It is making me realise what is important and what isn't. 

 My Dad may not be able to communicate in a way I can understand now but he can still smile, he can still laugh, he manages to say I Love You at the end of every phone call the same phone call mainly made up of random noises and slurs. He is unable to use his hands, he struggles with his incredibly weak arms but he can still hug, he is able to feel our love with one big squeeze. 
MND can take so much away but it can't take away the feeling of love. 

Things are tough in life, some things happen to us that we wish wouldn't but we should make it our goal to try and see the positive elements which are sometimes hidden in the gloomy cloud. They're there somewhere I promise. 

It could be something as simple as ducks
<3


Much love
Beth xxx

p.s to comment select the name/url option in the drop down menu







Labels:

Comments

  1. Ali Hochstetter26 January, 2015 21:16

    Much Love xxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dennis26 January, 2015 21:39

    Hi ha Beth,
    Even if your posts bring a lump to my throat, I still thank you from the bottom of my heart, for every single word. You are an amazing blogger, who tells us all the struggles that my "up north" family are dealing with.
    You are amazing and brave and kind, but your music taste leads a lot to be desired hee hee
    Much love, your cuz
    Denize x x

    ReplyDelete
  3. Suey26 January, 2015 22:54

    Oh Beth, your dad's smile makes me smile, he look's so happy even though he is not well, my heart goes out to you, you are so young to be handling all this,but you are at the same time making memories that will live in your heart for the rest of your life. x x x

    ReplyDelete
  4. shell26 January, 2015 23:55

    Another great blog Beth, you are so strong and never fail to amaze me. Knowing you is a privilege you are such a lovely person with so much to give xx

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous27 January, 2015 01:21

    an amazing young woman, with a certain calm strength, amazing you are your Fathers daughter. xx

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

This may upset you...

50. Hello my loves. WOW we've made it to the fiftieth blog post, if you're reading this one and you've read all of the ones before, thank you for sticking with me and my public diary entries. If you are new to my posts then Hello and welcome to my life, my little world of, well, I'm not to sure...this. I'm listening and watching Sia - Elastic Heart, I absolutely love this song and I love the video! It's so incredibly powerful , I watch it without knowing what it is that is keeping me so drawn to it (maybe Shia's body...) but seriously please go and watch it, don't read the comments of the video if it's the first time you're watching it and let me know what you believe it is portraying. I won't tell you what I believe because I don't want my view to alter what you may initially feel.      I feel like it might be a good time to update you guys on my Dad. By the way, everything I write is solely my feelings and from my point of vie
10 comments
Read more

In difficulty there is strength and laughter

53. Hello my loves... This may seem like a very strange time, some may think I shouldn't write at all right now but as I'm just sat here, waiting, I feel I should (plus I've been given permission from my sister Kellie and Rob) On Wednesday 4th February, which seems like a lifetime ago, I got a phone call to say things with Dad had took a turn and we all needed to get to the home as time was looking short. I can't explain the fear that was going through me. The panic was so strong I was physically shaking until i got to the home to see him.  I had no idea what to expect, what had happened or what was going to happen, I just had to go with it. I guess we all do when faced with these extremes.  I have to admit I was pretty shocked to see that once the sedation had worn off he was back to his smiley self, even dancing along to the music.  But we knew it was serious when they said he was now completely nill by mouth, no food, no liquid.  An influx of fa
9 comments
Read more

Our story with MND so far..

6.  These are my feelings and my thoughts, no one else's, just mine. In June 2013 my Dad was dealt the card of Motor Neurone Disease, a horrible disease. MND attacks the central nervous system and causes muscles to weaken and waste away. People with MND have to struggle everyday with activities that wouldn't have affected them before. It can be different with each person but sadly the outcome is always the same, there are no survivors, only true fighters! There is no cure... In some cases of MND the person can also have Frontotemporal Dementia. A less common form of dementia but nevertheless devastating. My Dad also has this... I first realised that something wasn't quite right around January 2013, my dad and I were sat in a cafe and he couldn't open a folded lottery ticket my exact words to him were "can't you use for hands or something" his reply was "no, my hand has got really weak" I asked him to make a fist with his right han
5 comments
Read more