131.
I really want to write about some struggles I'm facing right now being a new mummy but I don't want to come across miserable alllllll the time because I love being a mum! Do I stay honest and true and just write what I feel or sugar coat the tough stuff and act like it's all okay???
😕
Sod it!!
Now whether this is a hormonal thing or if it's something deeper, the truth is, I am struggling! I've wrote before about wanting a best friend etc but it feels like it's more than that now, I feel, alone!
I felt alright for the first few weeks, you are in that new baby bubble, lots of people come to visit and it's all round love but then, like now, there's none of that. This isn't about attention, people work, life is a continuous thing, I guess it's just highlighted my aloneness, my worries and anxieties about everything.
I took baby girl for a walk around in her pram this morning and I just kept thinking to myself 'my god I'm so alone' even when I'm with people I feel it. I feel like I can't string any thoughts together that aren't baby related. Then I feel bad because people don't wanna hear about babies all the time...hmm ironic 😂
There's stupid stuff like even tho I've changed her nappy in the tiniest of toilets on the floor I absolutely dread the thought she'll poop in public! SHES A BABY that's what they do, especially Millie, she shits all the time 😂 I over think that if she cries people will think I can't manage, I get hot and sweaty overthinking about strangers rather than a crying baby. BRAIN URGH.
I darent use public transport and I'm too frightened to drive so I feel stuck! Adding to the aloneness that's overwhelming at the moment.
I've been trying to brush off this feeling for a while now, I devour chocolate to make myself feel better but then ultimately feel worse because ya know, fat! It's like my brain won't allow me to enjoy it all. I love my little girl like you wouldn't believe! When she smiles at me, my god I can't explain it! When she chatters away to me in her baby talk I just melt! It's amazing! But this is hard!
I have a heart that wants to love everyone and be friends with everyone and I have a brain that just makes me feel sad. And I feel ashamed that I feel this way! I'm judging myself for it, I don't want anyone to judge me because of it.
...and breathe!
I really want to write about some struggles I'm facing right now being a new mummy but I don't want to come across miserable alllllll the time because I love being a mum! Do I stay honest and true and just write what I feel or sugar coat the tough stuff and act like it's all okay???
😕
Sod it!!
Now whether this is a hormonal thing or if it's something deeper, the truth is, I am struggling! I've wrote before about wanting a best friend etc but it feels like it's more than that now, I feel, alone!
I felt alright for the first few weeks, you are in that new baby bubble, lots of people come to visit and it's all round love but then, like now, there's none of that. This isn't about attention, people work, life is a continuous thing, I guess it's just highlighted my aloneness, my worries and anxieties about everything.
I took baby girl for a walk around in her pram this morning and I just kept thinking to myself 'my god I'm so alone' even when I'm with people I feel it. I feel like I can't string any thoughts together that aren't baby related. Then I feel bad because people don't wanna hear about babies all the time...hmm ironic 😂
There's stupid stuff like even tho I've changed her nappy in the tiniest of toilets on the floor I absolutely dread the thought she'll poop in public! SHES A BABY that's what they do, especially Millie, she shits all the time 😂 I over think that if she cries people will think I can't manage, I get hot and sweaty overthinking about strangers rather than a crying baby. BRAIN URGH.
I darent use public transport and I'm too frightened to drive so I feel stuck! Adding to the aloneness that's overwhelming at the moment.
I've been trying to brush off this feeling for a while now, I devour chocolate to make myself feel better but then ultimately feel worse because ya know, fat! It's like my brain won't allow me to enjoy it all. I love my little girl like you wouldn't believe! When she smiles at me, my god I can't explain it! When she chatters away to me in her baby talk I just melt! It's amazing! But this is hard!
I have a heart that wants to love everyone and be friends with everyone and I have a brain that just makes me feel sad. And I feel ashamed that I feel this way! I'm judging myself for it, I don't want anyone to judge me because of it.
...and breathe!
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