IM BACK :D update on my house and me and a little bit about Papa Ron

59.

Hello my loves, I hope you guys are still interested in my blog. I know I haven't wrote to you for a month now but I think I needed some time, time to calm down a little bit. The last time we spoke I was a ball of anxiety and I was struggling but I feel now that the anxiety has fizzled a little bit and I'm feeling pretty okay. 

I wanted to write again because I miss it, I miss the feeling that people are getting to know me a little bit. I miss voicing (typing) the voice in my head that never shuts up! And really I missed you guys. So, lets crack on shall we? This wouldn't be a blog post without me telling you who I'm listening to now would it?! JAMES BAY of course, woah I love this guy! So if anyone feels like buying me a gig ticket for him one day please feel free too I honestly won't mind :)

I believe I told you guys me and Roberto bought a house, well we are now living here :D this is our third week in our little home and I absolutely love it. For quite a long time I didn't feel I had a nesting ground, even though I did at Robs parents house, which was very nice of them to have me live there for over a year but my home before had gone, my mum moved from that house so her new place wasn't my 'home' the in laws place wasn't my 'home' but this house, this cute quirky house of ours is our home and I don't want to be anywhere else. The neighbours all seem lovely although I can't remember their names but that's a minor bump I'm sure I'll get told them again (I hope I do anyway!)

I have found that I just want to buy everything in sight that I think is cute, example below haha.

Next week all our photo frames will be hung up, neither me or Rob are DIY savvy so we need the help from a family member! Don't you just love those Winnie the Pooh pics!!??!! I do have a frame for the middle one now, they are going to look great against our grey living room wall. My loves, it's all so exciting. 

I think our home all happened at the correct time, I feel like it's helping me, or it's helped me in this short time that has gone by. It's given me a distraction, a positive distraction. I'm sure if I drank alcohol I would have had quite a few blurry nights to distract me but fanta only takes you so far my loves so my little house has helped :) 

Hmm what else has changed...hmm...not a lot really, I'm sorry to disappoint, I did dye my hair, it was meant to be dark brown but it's more black BUT I much prefer it than the dull red colour it became, shall I insert a shameless selfie?? Of course I will!!

What do you think? I must say my eyebrows are on point in this photo! Well done me haha.

I feel like I can't do this post without talking about how things are now after Dad. It was only 10 weeks ago! SHIT 10 weeks is nothing! 

I will forever grieve for my Dad, he was my Dad I mean there's no doubt I will never stop grieving for him but I find myself feeling okay, I feel happy that my life is carrying on. Everyday I think about him, I think about how much I wished he got to see us in this house. I wish everyday to speak to him but that emptiness I felt 10 weeks ago isn't feeling that empty and I know some of you may think that is strange, but it's true, I may only feel like this because of the distractions I have right now but 10 weeks ago I physically felt something missing in my chest, I can't explain it, I don't know if others feel it but I did and now that feeling has gone. But like I said I will never stop grieving him, I guess the grieving becomes different as the time goes by. 

Only yesterday morning I was having the biggest of wobbles, my eyes filled up multiple times and my heart felt re-broken again, I spoke to my friend and I asked her why does it just randomly get me like this and she simply said 'because it has too' and she is so so right. And there is no doubt in my mind I will have days like that for the rest of my life. I'm only 10 weeks in after the loss of a parent, they are 10 small seas in the ocean that will make up my life.

I find myself thinking that at 24 I'm pretty young to have lost my Dad, granted so many people lose their parents at much younger ages but you guys know I solely write from my heart. I find myself thinking that at 24 I am now at an age where I am an adult, I'm no longer an awkward teen or a child that doesn't understand things, I'm at an age where I would be properly getting to know and understand who my Dad was as a character. On a adult to adult basis. But I won't get that and I do find that tough loves, I do. 

There are so many things that I will never know about him, because I never lived with him when I was young I didn't know much anyway so this would have been my time. These years would have been the ones for us but as you know I've wont get that now but I'm lucky to have had him in my life for my 24 years, I just wish I could have had 24 more. 

But my loves today I am feeling okay, and that's the main thing. Ask me in a week and I might not be but for now things are positive and I'm smiling. I'm smiling to be talking to you all again :)

Much love to you all
Beth xxx

p.s to leave a comment please select the name/URL option in the drop down menu

p.p.s my walks are in a matter of weeks now so please please donate you lovely people 
https://www.justgiving.com/B-Aboe-Howlett